Football Cliches
Adam Hurrey & Goalhanger
Adam Hurrey, Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker explore the glorious and unique language of football: the words, the phrases, the mannerisms and, above all, the clichés.Visit nordvpn.com/cliches to get four extra months on a two-year plan with NordVPN
How to celebrate an own goal & ball-boy etiquette: The listeners' loves & hates
Adam Hurrey, David Walker and Nick Miller entertain this month's listener entries for Mesut Haaland Dicks, as the Clichés faithful nominate their niche footballing fascinations and irritations.Among the selections are the various types of football-related social media profile pictures, the efficient language of mid-game team-mate praise, the correct level of thanks a ball boy should get from players and the appropriate celebration for an opposition own goal.Meanwhile, the Adjudication Panel enjo
Chuckling stadiums, Things-in-Chief and, finally, some actual whispering of it quietly
Adam Hurrey is joined on the Adjudication Panel by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker. On the agenda: the rare sound of a football crowd chuckling in unison, a definitive list of football’s acceptable “things-in-chief”, a deep dive into the nuances of Jude Bellingham’s La Liga dissent, some classic-style 96th-minute olé-ing from Argentina, Manchester City midfielders’ names in Northumbrian psych-folk, someone actually "whispering it quietly, but" and some supposedly frivolous footballing jargon
Crosses from the 1990s, baseball scores & the death of the managerial "war cry”
Adam Hurrey is joined on the midweek Adjudication Panel by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker. On the agenda: Champions League broadcasting quirks, Alan Shearer and the extinct art of crossing the ball, the most prefix-defying clubs of the 92, the rise and fall of managers "issuing a war cry" and much more.Meanwhile, the panel speculate on what would happen to a precocious goalscorer who couldn’t stop getting sent off.Adam's book, Extra Time Beckons, Penalties Loom: How to Use (and Abuse) The L
Nursery rhymes with Fletch, Clark Kent goalkeeping & under-12s away-day cauldrons
Adam Hurrey is joined on the Adjudication Panel by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker. On the agenda: accidental nursery rhymes in Champions League commentary, a new Premier League low bar for irony, whether Southampton 0 Burnley 1 counts as an FA Cup upset, some inconvenient truths about Manchester City's trip to Leyton Orient, unexpected Portuguese footballers' names in things and home advantage in under-12s football.Meanwhile, the panel engage in some earnest Messi vs Ronaldo chat and agree
The Football Cliches Quiz XVII: The Commentators
The Football Clichés Quiz returns for another clash of niche football trivia, as the pod take on Match of the Day commentators James Fielden, Mark Scott and Chris Wise.The questions include: problematically-named second-tier Peruvians, Serie A broadcasters, fraudulent Fernandeses, Brentford substitutes of the early 2020s, Harry Redknapp’s go-to historical tyrant, incredibly obscure football theme tunes, guess the backwards commentary, and Happy Hunting Grounds.Adam's book, Extra Time Beckons, Pe
The "17th chess piece", the death of the onion bag & coded messages to the board
Adam Hurrey is joined on the Adjudication Panel by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker. On the agenda: Fabian Hurzeler upgrades the traditional football "basics", darts and chess offer their versions of "the 12th man", an unexpected superstar signing for Club Brugge, Premier League players wrestle with some traditional English football phrases, and much more.Meanwhile, the panel discuss the art of managers "sending a message to the board" and undertake a cultural review of Arsenal 5 Manchester C
Referees vs The Limelight, passages of terror & Matt 1 Hernia 0
Adam Hurrey is joined on the midweek Adjudication Panel by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker. On the agenda: yet another new rival for the "corridor of uncertainty", the media taking Ruben Amorim slightly too literally, a listener's deciding an appropriate scoreline for his hernia operation, more Ligue 1 voiceover curiosity, and a tribute to the soon-to-be-retired Eurosport brand.Meanwhile, the panel ponder whether referees really do "seek the limelight" and whether the new-look Champions Leag
"Football, bloody football", UK garage Postecoglou & the exact weight of a Premier League point
Adam Hurrey is joined on the Adjudication Panel by David Walker and Nick Miller. On the agenda: Walker's Ribblesdale Rovers side have a relegation battle on their hands, a subtle misremembering of that Sir Alex Ferguson quote, Jamie Redknapp's curious refereeing vote of confidence, former England wingers on Antiques Roadshow, accidental UK garage from Ange Postecoglou, some pathological footballspeak in everyday life, yet more incorrect football chanting in adverts and, finally, an answ
Cometh the quinquennium, cometh the pod
Adam Hurrey is joined by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker on the Football Cliches podcast's fifth anniversary. The agenda includes: a Serie A commentary tribute from an unexpected source, the 1990 version of “if Lionel Messi did that, we’d all be raving about it”, yet another Premier League name in a true-crime documentary, co-commentator Gary Breen plucks some Barry Manilow out of nowhere, a one-time-only return for Premier League Years Playlist Bingo and a celebration of half a dec
Has the Premier League hit peak “What a job [Manager X] is doing up/down there?”
Adam Hurrey is joined on the Adjudication Panel by Charlie Eccleshare, David Walker and Nick Miller. On the agenda: more sub-standard depictions of football fans in advertising, football commentators’ names in Anglo-Australian crime dramas, the greatest substitution in the history of the Scottish Cup, the perennial joy of a stadium exclaiming something in perfect unison and a pedantic observation on Phil Foden's goal celebration.Meanwhile, the panel ponder the question: is this the most
Portrait-aspect football & England managers in the stands: The listeners' loves & hates (feat. Chloe Petts)
Adam Hurrey, Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker are joined by returning special guest Chloe Petts to entertain this month's listener entries for Mesut Haaland Dicks, as the Clichés faithful nominate their niche footballing fascinations and irritations.Among the selections are how football improves our basic maths, players' pointless pre-match Instagram content, a half-time dad joke from an Evertonian, the overrated significance of the England manager attending a game, the "portraitification of
WW2 with Ray Parlour, Tamworth's global appeal & the 1863 Ballon d'Or winner
Adam Hurrey is joined on the Adjudication Panel by Charlie Eccleshare, David Walker and Nick Miller. On the agenda: a cultural review of the FA Cup third round, Ray Parlour sums up the Second World War in 16 superb seconds, someone finally reveals who the best footballer in the world was in 1863, the Sam Allardici of building materials and the worst fake football commentary ever heard in the background of a Korean Netflix drama.Adam's book, Extra Time Beckons, Penalties Loom: How to Use (and Abu
Trip-hop Liam Delap, the terminal velocity of a lob & the goal gifting crisis
Adam Hurrey is joined on the midweek Adjudication Panel by Nick Miller and, for his 250th Cliches appearance, David Walker. On the agenda: Newcastle having “a little toe” in the Carabao Cup final, an updated cast list for the Roy Keane/Mick McCarthy film, whether a lob could ever "rattle the crossbar", a Liam Delap penalty that sounds like late-90s trip-hop, a defence of Ferencvaros' credentials as "giants”, some accidental footballspeak when switching broadband providers and much more.Meanwhile
The first embers of a game, heavy-metal Jonathan Pearce & the Andy Gray of lacrosse
Adam Hurrey is joined by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker on the first Adjudication Panel of 2025. On the agenda: Richard Keys and Dwight Yorke disagree over Harry Maguire's 0.62xG miss, Don Goodman invents a new mid-game mini time period, Jonathan Pearce sounding like Axl Rose, a never-before-uttered animal analogy for a veteran goalgetter, a perfect hat-trick of Andy Townsending, Ange Postecoglou's barely-contained rage, a barman who has memorised every Premier League result ever and some f
”Listen, fair play": The Best of Football Clichés in 2024
Ally McCoist on the animal kingdom, footballers' names in 1980s detective series, commentators answering their own rhetorical questions, the “bit of both” cultural revolution, Gary Lineker on the pod, some vintage Andy Townsend, the Pure European Championship XI, the career paths of Mick McCarthy and Steve Coogan finally colliding, Charlie Eccleshare’s iconic Talksport welcome, Richard Keys’s voice in things, a titanic but slapstick quiz battle against the Football Ramble and accidentally operat
The Football Cliches Quiz XVI: Career We Go - The Rematch
The Football Clichés Quiz returns - and it's a niche footballing trivia rematch with the quiz specialists from the Career We Go podcast.The questions include: Exotically named offspring of Barclays-era flops, Boxing Day belters, Andy Gray’s imaginary conversations, guess the Christmas goalscorer from the commentary, geriatric South American strike partnerships, Match of the Day voiceover men, infuriating player career paths and, of course, Happy Hunting Grounds.Adam's new book, Extra Time Beckon
Cliches do Mesut Haaland Dicks: Adam, Charlie & Dave’s footballing loves & hates
In a special edition of Mesut Haaland Dicks, the Clichés team select some of their ultimate footballing fascinations and irritations.Among Adam, Charlie and Dave's selections are the enduring fallacy of relegation-threatened teams “fighting for their lives”, the theory behind the greatest lower-body aesthetic in football history, the haggard goalnets of midweek 5-a-side and the childish envy when new signings score on their debuts for your team's rivals.Meanwhile, the Adjudication Panel admire a
The blip-to-crisis benchmark, Comedy Central defending & Australian red card music
Adam Hurrey is joined on the Adjudication Panel by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker. On the agenda: a new term for slapstick defending, a historic day for Premier League manager sackings, more accidentally operatic BBC commentary, some dubious red-card stadium music in Australia and much more.Meanwhile, the panel decide when Manchester City's "blip" became a "slump" and then a full-blown "crisis" and discuss the reported successors to Gary Lineker on Match of the Day.Adam's new book, Extra Ti
Commentators sampled in experimental French pop & the ultimate generic multi-club ownership group
Adam Hurrey is joined on the midweek Adjudication Panel by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker. On the agenda: Mick McCarthy on Steve Coogan playing him in a film, Charlton manager Nathan Jones takes on the weather, Martin Keown on the re-opening of Notre Dame, a curious injury league table from the BBC, Sky Sports commentators inexplicably sampled in experimental French electronica and a tautologous Spanish non-league club.Meanwhile, the panel try to identify the most finger-wagging player and
Unexpected Sutton, diags on MOTD & the “good time to play them” threshold
Adam Hurrey is joined on the Adjudication Panel by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker. On the agenda: Cole Palmer's perfect Panenka, the latest breach of Match of the Day protocol, the minor media obsession with getting managers to admit their team is in the title race, obscure mid-90s Spurs midfielders in Netflix comedies and the dream scenario for fans ridiculing the opposition goalkeeper's goal kicks.Meanwhile, the panel weigh up the Club World Cup’s group of death and pick apart the “good t
The best 9.3% of the FA Cup draw, the "stand named after you" threshold & Richard Keys on cars
Adam Hurrey is joined on the midweek Adjudication Panel by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker. On the agenda: some baffling new transferspeak, some glorious audio of away fans thinking they've scored and being immediately ridiculed by the home crowd, the nichest FA Cup draw content you will ever consume, more average mid-90s English wingers’ names in things and Richard Keys going 80% Partridge as he presents from the 1988 Motor Show.Meanwhile, the panel ponder what a club legend would have to d
An educated left head, the first goal ever uploaded to YouTube & the "big-money signing" formula
Adam Hurrey is joined on the Adjudication Panel by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker. On the agenda: the mainstream media jump on the Pep Sacking Threshold bandwagon, some beautifully unnecessary detail about a headed goal, a commentator lets down Robbie Savage very gently, former Blackburn wingers' names implicated in boat murders, the first ever goal uploaded to YouTube, a Harry Redknapp headline for the ages and Keys & Gray visit the Qatar Grand Prix.Meanwhile, the panel weigh up the minimu
Sunday League set-piece routines, the "olé" threshold & mistimed minute's applauses: The listeners' loves & hates
Adam Hurrey, Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker entertain this month's listener entries for Mesut Haaland Dicks, as the Clichés faithful nominate their niche footballing fascinations and irritations.Among the selections are free-kick decoy duties in Sunday League, predicting the moment the "olés" are about to start as a team sees out a comfortable win, the delicate act of picking balanced teams for 5-a-side, football's vandalism of the word "decimated", minute's applause that begin in the wrong
5.54 seconds of away-goal confusion, footballers in US T-junctions and the official Keys & Gray app
Adam Hurrey is joined on the Adjudication Panel by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker. On the agenda: A new world record for away fans slowly realising their team has scored, Mark Schwarzer ties himself in chronological knots, Martin Keown lavishes himself with the highest footballing praise, famously unfriendly footballers’ names in American T-junctions and Keys & Gray’s ill-fated 2011 bid to break into the app market.Meanwhile, the panel ponder how many consecutive Manchester City defeats it
The Bosman legacy, optimum camera angles & double saves, with Luke Moore
The pod welcomes Football Ramble podcast supremo Luke Moore for the latest edition of Mesut Haaland Dicks, as he chooses his six personal fascinations and irritations of football.Among Luke's selections are the early signs of a game turning into a comprehensive thrashing, the physical attributes of a classic double save, a controversial choice for the best camera angle for a penalty, the highly unnecessary admin-theatre of both teams setting up for a free kick, the demise of calling free transfe
59 consecutive hat-tricks, yo-yo countries and the first-ever usage of "tippy-tappy football”
Adam Hurrey is joined on the Adjudication Panel by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker. On the agenda: England's League B promotion glory, a listener solves last week's Consecutive Hat-Tricks Career Pathway puzzle, Talksport mulls over what constitutes a "young young" player, some novel use of "aplomb" at the darts, Trevor Brooking's 1982 Desert Island Discs, the surprising origins of "tippy-tappy football" and some strange alleged behaviour from an ex-Barclaysman.Meanwhile, the panel gauge the
Deodorant ads, Don(ald) Goodman & "The Deeney Guy": Cliches meets Sky Sports commentator Bill Leslie
The pod welcomes commentator Bill Leslie for the latest edition of Mesut Haaland Dicks, as he chooses his six personal fascinations and irritations of football.Bill and the panel explore stadium architecture quirks, nearby fans taking issue with live commentary observations, the most generic Championship play-offs semi-final lineup possible, the two types of mid-game petering-out, needless away kits ruining the pre-match excitement and pretentious/professional pronunciations of foreign players'
xG meets crime dramas & the Sunday League to Premier League hat-trick pathway
Adam Hurrey is joined on the Adjudication Panel by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker. On the agenda: the first-ever mention of xG in a mainstream TV drama, cult Spurs strikers plying their trade in academia, how many historical goals a striker needs to be eligible to be “still banging them in”, the definition of a "sumptuous" goal and much more.Meanwhile, the panel ponder how many consecutive hat-tricks would take a striker from Sunday League to the Premier LeaguePlease VOTE for Football Clich
The Vitality Stadium swing state, Noel Gallagher's co-comms & the "big five" of cheese
Adam Hurrey is joined on the midweek Adjudication Panel by Charlie Eccleshare, David Walker and Nick Miller. On the agenda: the BBC explains the US electoral system in unexpected football terms, Noel Gallagher's Champions League co-commentary debut, the crucial differences between "busting a gut" and "breaking your neck" to get into the box and a footballer's name shared with a pharmaceutical supplies company.Meanwhile, the panel debate the "big five" of the cheese world and discuss Nick's new b
”Still 0-0, lads!", a man named Hattrick & the mid-2010s throw-in scandal
Adam Hurrey is joined on the Adjudication Panel by David Walker and Nick Miller. On the agenda: a dubious use of the Sunday League staple of "Still 0-0, lads!", some unprecedented Carabao Cup co-commentary self-awareness, Ethiopian bars named after venerable Premier League wide men, absurd match postponements in the 10th tier and Andy Gray's 20-year obsession with teams having defenders on the posts at corners.Meanwhile, the panel wonder which current player could most plausibly play for any of
Curses vs Hoodoos, journeyman film directors & Keysey's philosophers
Adam Hurrey is joined on the midweek Adjudication Panel by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker. On the agenda: a classic footballers' namesake mix-up, whether a goalkeeper's save in a shootout can "send a team into the next round", how many consecutive defeats a club can be "staring down the barrel" of, journeyman film directors, a glorious Powerleague chant, an unexpected celebrity endorsement for underfloor heating and Keysey's verdict on the Manchester United hotseat.
Meanwhile, the panel es
Jack Reacher's Villa 5-a-side team, two Andy Townsends & the most darts-looking PL manager
Adam Hurrey is joined on the Adjudication Panel by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker. On the agenda: the post-Ten Hag news cycle begins in earnest, a brief but tantalising moment of doubt over whether Peter Drury said the word "dude" on commentary, the ongoing devaluing of the phrase "captain's goal", too many footballers' names in the new Jack Reacher novel, Barcelona's plucky tweeting, and a strange mix-up involving two Andy Townsends.
Meanwhile, the panel discuss which Premier League manag
Styling out fake injuries & "How long ref?!": The listeners' loves & hates (feat. Doc Brown)
Adam Hurrey, Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker are joined by returning special guest Doc Brown to entertain this month's listener entries for Mesut Haaland Dicks, as the Clichés faithful nominate their niche footballing fascinations and irritations.
Among the selections are the fascinating "recovery" routines of players who have faked injury to win a free kick, guessing what co-commentators are saying when the pub TV has the sound off, the superficial mannerisms of a part-time amateur goalkee
Salah's Sunday 4.30pm supremacy, Fred Again's biscuits & going down like a game of Jenga
Adam Hurrey is joined on the Adjudication Panel by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker. On the agenda: a player going down "like a game of Jenga", a record amount of figurative "freedom" for a Premier League goalscorer, Darren Cann's flag-waving Premier League legacy, a new tune for the chant mocking teams who've thrown away a 2-0 lead, Inter Miami's slightly-too-humble nickname, and an Andy Gray reference in some Austrian fifth-tier commentary.
Meanwhile, the panel enjoy a Twitter debate about
The definitive game for every football scoreline
Adam Hurrey, Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker are joined by Michael Cox to decide the most famous match from football history to go with (almost) every scoreline.
A bore draw or a backs-to-the-wall job for 0-0? Can a 1-1 draw ever be "iconic"? A 3-2 win that had a whole book written about it, Forfar 5 East Fife 4, a surprising dearth of truly legendary 6-0s, Puskas vs Le Tissier in the battle for the definitive 6-3 and a very exotic 10-0 at the Maracana.
Adam's new book, Extra Time Beckons,
Armchair admirals, Roberto Carlos darts & "Doing a [Club X]”
Adam Hurrey is joined on the Adjudication Panel by Charlie Eccleshare and Nick Miller. On the agenda: the most cliche-aware player in the Premier League, acceptable football references at the darts and unacceptable football references in financial TV dramas, daytime TV quiz show couples who sound like footballers, a Premier League-backed project to teach the world the language of English football and Richard Keys’ voice briefly appearing in the most random of places.Meanwhile, the panel provide
Cliches vs The Football Ramble - The Football Cliches Quiz XV
The Football Clichés Quiz returns with a visit from a two-man team from the venerable Football Ramble podcast for a battle of niche football trivia.
The questions include: The Eredivisie or Neverdivisie, failed UK petitions, Watford or Notford, Football things dubbed into various European languages, Sven’s CV, football-adjacent Olympic sports that never were, the 1997 Sony MiniDisc Euro Sixes, the agonising audio of mystery missed sitters, surprisingly unmemorable Premier League mascots, Happy
Liverpool's radar status, lusty bangers & Richard Keys’ 12,476-game TV marathon
Adam Hurrey is joined on the Adjudication Panel by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker. On the agenda: whether a goalkeeper can qualify for the "who else but...?" treatment, David Beckham on air ambulances, the most colours ever bled by a figuratively cut-open footballer, whether Liverpool really are "going under the radar" and doing the maths on Richard Keys' claim to have watched every Premier League game ever.Meanwhile, the panel weigh up the most “you could see what he was trying to do there
First names on shirts, Footy Scran technicalities & the FPL universe, with Ellis Platten
The pod welcomes AwayDays Youtube supremo Ellis Platten for the latest edition of Mesut Haaland Dicks, as he chooses his six personal fascinations and irritations of football.Among Ellis's selections are football fans with their first names printed on the back of their shirts, random football shirts popping up in unexpected places, the dubious criteria of the ongoing FootyScran project and, quite simply, everything about fantasy football.Meanwhile, the Adjudication Panel weigh up if a goalkeeper
An incredible football birthday card, Dutch league-table madness & Mick McCarthy in the jungle
Adam Hurrey is joined on the Adjudication Panel by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker. On the agenda: a baffling Premier League incident depicted on a birthday card, an accidental new nickname for Micky van de Ven, Dutch football's rejection of the concept of top and bottom halves of a league table, a completely unwarranted use of "football club" by Tim Sherwood, rugby union claiming a try was a "screamer" and Mick McCarthy going into the jungle.Meanwhile, the panel attempt to define what it me
Football's shortest spell, the "in charge" threshold & the first half/second half vibe experiment
Adam Hurrey is joined on the midweek Adjudication Panel by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker. On the agenda: the shortest “spell” ever documented in football, the textbook body language of a player subbed off in the first half, people whose names sound like plausible Carabao Cup fourth-round ties, the best combined-years stat of all time and much more.Meanwhile, the panel decide the threshold for a team being "in charge" and ponder a psychological experiment relating to second halves of matche
Beating the commentators to the punch and the ideal conditions for "nothing doing": The Listeners' fascinations and irritations
Adam Hurrey, David Walker, and Nick Miller entertain this month's listener entries for Mesut Haaland Dicks, as the Clichés faithful nominate their niche footballing fascinations and irritations.Among the selections are the joys of getting ready for five-a-side much earlier than you need to, the smug satisfaction of noticing something before the commentators do, the under-explored world of football TV studio furniture and the quintessential conditions for "nothing doing".Adam's new book, Extra Ti
Footballing military ranks, Carabao chaos & a phrase only Sean Dyche would use
Adam Hurrey is joined on the midweek Adjudication Panel by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker. On the agenda: amateur league fortresses, Kylian Mbappe ascends to the "If Player X did that" throne, Mark Clattenburg's common-sense overload, some heart-stopping radio commentary from the San Siro, a disgraceful Carabao Cup hat-trick definition, a truly Dychian turn of post-match interview phrase, 2019/20 Brighton squad members popping up in BBC drama seriesMeanwhile, the panel detail the military r
Jamie Carragher's match-ball voice, promotion fodder & three-sided fortresses
Adam Hurrey is joined on the Adjudication Panel by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker. On the agenda: a story of Sunday League admin woe, Jamie Carragher's vocal impression of a match ball waiting to be headed home, some typically made-up-sounding US soccer jargon, Callum Hudson-Odoi's goal-trademarking credentials, Referees Names in Things and the difference between "return fixtures" and "reverse fixtures".Meanwhile, the panel assure Oxford United that a three-sided stadium still be a "fortres
Carsley culture, scorelines you'd take before the game & the most left-footed Premier League club
Adam Hurrey is joined on the Adjudication Panel by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker. On the agenda: predicting the cultural impact of Lee Carsley’s England reign, an Arsenal legend's name in the NFL, the acceptable context to use the word "side" for a team, yet more football-chant confusion in the audiobook world, and Richard Keys and Andy Gray's visit to Jon Obi Mikel's podcast.Meanwhile, the panel decide which specific scorelines someone could say they would have “taken before the game” and
”Welcome to League C", pointless penalty shootouts & the connoisseur's referee whistle
Adam Hurrey is joined on the Adjudication Panel by David Walker and, on loan from the Career We Go podcast, Bobby Faghihi. On the agenda: the Nations League receives another stamp of approval from the language of football, some time-bending commentary from the Asian zone of World Cup qualifying, David Pleat provides a poetic twist on a Proper Football Man classic, unacceptable language from the Man Utd ticket office, puzzling penalty shootouts for England Under-18s, Elon Musk's "Earth-Mars trans
Silky Toblerones, Serbian football small talk & telepathic right-backs
Adam Hurrey is joined by David Walker and Jack Lang on the Adjudication Panel. The agenda includes: the official Football Cliches Sporcle quiz, a beautifully baffling inclusion in a European footballer’s Wikipedia “Style of Play” section, elite-level football small talk in an early-2000s BBC drama series, the rather familiar name of New Zealand's 100m national record holder, an awkward footballing jigsaw-puzzle analogy and some scanning issues in the popular chant of "You're not fit to referee!"
Cometh the minute, poetic Andy Townsend and Keysey's quote-tweet masterpiece
Adam Hurrey is joined by David Walker and Jack Lang on the Adjudication Panel. The agenda includes: Charlie Eccleshare's Talksport tennis cameo, Peter Drury's new goalscoring surname obsession, Eddie Howe on Oasis goes exactly as you'd imagine, some assorted transfer-window curiosities, Andy Townsend speaks in iambic pentameter and some viral refereeing video content nobody asked for.Meanwhile, the panel decide if the "minute mark" of a game could ever be a thing, debate whether a lob can be "bu
The Adjudication Panel: The minutes left vs blood pressure ratio
Adam Hurrey is joined by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker on the Adjudication Panel. The agenda includes: Michael Dawson's entry into the "so-called" pantheon, the latest bit of Romanian football-related small talk on Corrie, the threshold for "we owe them one", and the identity of the default Premier League website player silhouette REVEALED.Meanwhile, the panel marvel at an astonishing bit of agricultural metaphoring thanks to Ipswich Town's return to the Premier LeagueThe Football Cliches
The Adjudication Panel: Sparking a stroll, rickets vs howlers, and the Champions League anthem revamp
Adam Hurrey is joined by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker on the Adjudication Panel. The agenda includes: a welcome variation on a 'bit of both' from Gary Neville, the benefits of being as precise as possible when denoting how far out a goal is scored from, David Raya's sextet of goal-adjacent water bottles, and the weirdest 'for my sins' on a football phone-in ever.Meanwhile, the panel deliver their verdict on the subtle Champions League theme revampThe Football Cliches Live show is back! Ad
Players spotting themselves on the big screen & ironic referee cheering: The listeners' loves & hates
Adam Hurrey, Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker entertain this month's listener entries for Mesut Haaland Dicks, as the Clichés faithful nominate their niche footballing fascinations and irritations.Among the selections are the anxiety-inducing moment that the score disappears from the screen during a TV game, European superclubs who have other sports teams affiliated with them, players catching a glimpse of themselves on the big screen and when ironic cheering of the referee goes too far.The F
The Adjudication Panel: Big nutmegs, premature pacesetters & footballing disciples
Adam Hurrey is joined by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker on the Adjudication Panel. The agenda includes: The strangest way yet of expressing how young Brighton's manager is, a factual footballing catastrophe on an episode of Casualty, the most Peter Drury way of describing a player's pre-season performances, pre-game punditry wisdom and a curious story about Ajax's 1995 Champions League-winning team.Meanwhile, the panel decide when a team can be described as a division's "pacesetters" and wh
The Adjudication Panel: Transfer limbo, Romania '94 small talk & Merson does Strictly
Adam Hurrey is joined by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker on the Adjudication Panel. The agenda includes: Diego Forlan as the most "tennis" footballer of modern times, some 8/10 football small talk on Coronation Street, the Premier League's ominous plans to tweet out VAR explanations in real time, the end of an era for the BBC and Garth Crooks, a superb fan-vs-player argument from non-league and Paul Merson's Strictly unveiling.Meanwhile, the panel reflect on some early teething problems for
The Adjudication Panel: Sleeping horses and Harry Kane's complex classy touch
Adam Hurrey is joined by David Walker and Nick Miller on the Adjudication Panel. The agenda includes: new heights for the concept of "peak Watford", one last round-up of curious Olympic commentary, whether you can "crash out" of the Community Shield, a rusty opening Football League weekend for users of the language of football, the most perfect refereeing appointment in Football League history and Harry Kane refusing to lift a trophy on his return to the Tottenham Hotspur Stadium.Meanwhile, the
The "Summer 2024 Transfers That Just Feel So Right" XI
Adam Hurrey is joined by David Walker and Nick Miller on the Adjudication Panel. The agenda includes: Nick's unexpectedly gruelling journey to witness Jose Mourinho's managerial return, the continuing battle of the "knowledgeable" Olympic crowds, the most uncompromising coaches imaginable at a kids football camp, a highly-rated League One press officer and some more footballing road-sign inconsistency.Meanwhile, the panel select a lineup based on this summer's transfers that just seemed destined
The Adjudication Panel: Carbon-copy commentary & where clubs store their pre-season minutes
Adam Hurrey is joined by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker on the Adjudication Panel. The agenda includes: some gloriously harmonious Olympic football commentary, some FA Cup revenge 72 years in the making, Man City's kick-off-delaying shame and a definitive analysis of where Premier League teams proverbially store their pre-season minutes. Meanwhile, the panel enjoy some niche Olympic highlights and decide which opening-weekend Premier League fixture has the most “watch it in a bar on holiday
The Adjudication Panel: Footballers with Olympicy names & Unexpected Kevin Keegan
Adam Hurrey is joined by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker on the Adjudication Panel. The agenda includes: the moral implications of winning Most Improved Player two years in a row, the latest soap opera footballing small talk, a former England manager popping up in a 1980s US teen drama, the new Juventus away kit scraping the barrel for its inspiration and Richard Keys rolling back the years.Meanwhile, the panel select footballers who have overwhelmingly Olympic names.Adam's new book, Extra T
The Adjudication Panel: Steve Coogan is playing Mick McCarthy in a film, what else is there to talk about?
Adam Hurrey is joined by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker on the Adjudication Panel. The agenda includes: whether you can "build a team around" a left-back, a data dive into a flippant newspaper line about Danny Drinkwater’s corner-taking, Steve Coogan's forthcoming role as Mick McCarthy in a film about the Roy Keane incident at the 2002 World Cup, an EFL shirt crisis and some more of society's obscure awardsMeanwhile, the panel weigh up whether Alexandre Lacazette is the textbook overage Oly
The Football Clichés Quiz XIV: Cliches vs The Sweeper
The Football Clichés Quiz returns and the latest opposition for the Clichés team are the world football experts from The Sweeper podcast, whose focus is the furthest-flung corners of the footballing globe.The questions include semi-forgotten all-Welsh strikeforces, title-winning island clubs, Swansea defenders with unexpected royal lineage, countries who don’t have their own league, made-up Dutch internationals, an obscure league where referees show blue cards and some tense FIFA world rankings
The Adjudication Panel: "A real plomb", big-match dust-settling & the worst football Q&A night ever
Adam Hurrey is joined by David Walker on the Adjudication Panel. The agenda includes: Alan Pardew reacting to the big US politics developments, fully media-trained MLS 14-year-olds, how much attention we should be paying to Olympic football, Nike's last ever Premier League match ball and the lineup for the worst Q&A evening in football history.Meanwhile, the panel decide how long it takes for "the dust to settle" after a big game and weigh up some technicalities over behind-closed-doors friendli
Squad arrival videos, MOTM substitutes & watching football on holiday: The listeners' loves & hates
Adam Hurrey, Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker entertain this month's listener entries for Mesut Haaland Dicks, as the Clichés faithful nominate their niche footballing fascinations and irritations.Among the selections are working out how embracing opposition players became friends, the mundane rise of the "squad arrivals" video, watching football in a bar on holiday, late substitutes getting the Player of the Match award, the decline of footballers' autographs and the recent phenomenon of pla
The Adjudication Panel: Unhinged pre-match montages & Heartbreak vs Heartache (2024 edition)
Adam Hurrey is joined by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker for the final Euro 2024 Adjudication Panel. The agenda includes: whether England's tournament failure was a "heartbreak" or "heartache", the Peak Montage moment of the pre-match coverage, the psychological pay-off of putting yourself through an opposition trophy lift, Chelsea's genre-revitalising marketing spiel for their new kit, a job advert for a VAR operator at Stockley Park and a quindecuple signing in League Two.Meanwhile, the pa
The Adjudication Panel: From Talksport to NATO - a cultural review of England 2 Netherlands 1
Adam Hurrey is joined by Charlie Eccleshare, David Walker and Nick Miller for the latest Euro 2024 Adjudication Panel. The agenda includes: a cultural review of England 2 Netherlands 1 (from Talksport to NATO via spoon-benders, chess grandmasters and The Killers), the true fan anthem of the Euros summer, a questionable chant for an international match and where Ollie Watkins now sits on the England clamour ranking.Meanwhile, the panel assess whether a Golden Boot winner scoring less than six goa
The Adjudication Panel: Euro 2024's future Premier League forgettables & the Jordan Pickford penalty-heroics threshold
Adam Hurrey is joined by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker for the latest Euro 2024 Adjudication Panel. The agenda includes: an unexpected footballer's name pops up in the General Election polls, a radio commentator synchronising effortlessly with the crowd noise, a potential new twist in "penalties are a lottery" discourse, a cultural review of England's penalty shootout against Switzerland, whether Spain's last-minute win over Germany counts as a "dispatching" and the relative merits of disp
The Adjudication Panel: Misstiano Penaldo, "The Misquoted One” & arm-wrestling with Martin Keown
Adam Hurrey is joined by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker for the latest Euro 2024 Adjudication Panel. The agenda includes: the Wimbledon tennis doing Wimbledon tennis things, a perfectly wrong football analogy on election day, the BBC's Cristiano Ronaldo penalty caption saga, how teams "make friends" at major tournaments, new Brighton manager Fabian Hurzeler gets the Mourinho treatment on day one, the most "high street estate agents" footballer name,Meanwhile, the panel decide the s
The Adjudication Panel: The England clamour table, bending your run & dancing on the streets of City X
Adam Hurrey is joined by David Walker and Nick Miller for the latest Euro 2024 Adjudication Panel. The agenda includes: which player is at the front of the England clamour queue now, Jude Bellingham's self-referential goal celebration, the joy of Ally McCoist reacting to slow-motion replays, which Euros nations' capital-city streets are most likely to be "danced on", the transferrable football skill of "bending your run" in daily life and some concerning news about Mexican waves.Meanwhi
The Adjudication Panel: The unifying experience of watching England struggle to play football
Adam Hurrey is joined by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker for the latest Euro 2024 Adjudication Panel. The agenda includes: the Stockholm syndrome of England at their laborious worst, Sir Geoff Hurst's silky-smooth product placement on Sky Sports News, one man's fantasy European competition for second-division clubs, and Keysey's inevitable mid-tournament solution for the Three Lions.Meanwhile, the panel explore the meaning of the physical footballing state of being "leggy", with some help fr
The Adjudication Panel: Martin Keown's GCSEs, Pro Evo Jules Kounde & when nations hold their breath
Adam Hurrey is joined by David Walker and Ali Maxwell for the latest Euro 2024 Adjudication Panel. The agenda includes: the depths of Euros short-form video content, a curious commentator intonation for a full-back receiving a pass in their own half, a dramatic VAR development in Major League Soccer, why some England managers get referred to by their first names and Messi/Ronaldo sentiment reaching the world of transfer reporting.Meanwhile, the panel also explore the nuanced rules of de
The Adjudication Panel: The vocabulary of an England group-stage draw & Euro 2024’s Commentator’s Curse
Adam Hurrey is joined by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker for the latest Adjudication Panel of Euro 2024. The agenda includes: the inevitable keywords of the latest England group-stage non-event, some eerily good Euros predictions from the pod back in December, the rampant Commentator’s Curse of Euro 2024, whether Arda Guler’s wondergoal met the “a star is born” threshold, some classic Andy Townsend punditry, a Dutch take on football clichés discourse, the textbook host-nation scenar
The Adjudication Panel: The Euros that didn't need to burst into life
Adam Hurrey is joined by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker for the first Adjudication Panel of Euro 2024. The agenda includes: the (very predictable) reaction to England's laborious win over Serbia, Gabriel Clarke (sort of) gives his update on the mood in the Cliches podcast camp, which country are "the most Group C team ever", what makes a shot go "agonisingly wide" and more niche highlights from the Euros so far. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
The Pure European Championship XI
On the eve of Euro 2024, Adam Hurrey, Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker are joined by Michael Cox to select a lineup of players most inextricably linked with the European Championship.The deliberations feature a strict Greeks and Czechs quota, the "Kopke vs Toldo" dilemma, a Silver Goal scorer in the heart of the defence, a dinker, a scooper and a disgraced former UEFA president in midfield, a clamour for Alan Dzagoev, a frankly inevitable bias towards Euro 2004, Will Grigg on fire (a
The Adjudication Panel: 1.4 billion years of hurt, Grealish's mayo hell & the opening-game formula
Adam Hurrey is joined by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker for the Adjudication Panel. The agenda includes: an alternative methodology for calculating England's "years of hurt", the latest a team can take the lead "inside X minutes", the scourge of midfielders being included among the "forwards" in international squad graphics, the obligatory Euro 2024 "dark horses" debate, the Jack Grealish/Hellmann's mayonnaise Euros marketing calamity and obscure Arsenal figures namechecked in vide
Capos, club mentalities & calculating England's actual years of hurt: The listeners' loves & hates
Adam Hurrey, David Walker and Nick Miller entertain this month's listener entries for Mesut Haaland Dicks, as the Clichés faithful nominate their niche footballing fascinations and irritations.Among the selections are the "capo" (the one who conducts the Ultras chants with his back to the game), the joy of just kicking a football right up into the air as high as possible, clubs who have a generation-spanning “mentality” attributed to them, the horrifying split-second when the ball is pa
The Adjudication Panel: Mourinho in Turkey, 71 billion calories & a football club every 2.24 seconds
Adam Hurrey is joined by David Walker and Nick Miller for the Adjudication Panel. The agenda includes: Adam Lallana squeezing in the phrase "football club" three times in just 6.8 seconds, Gareth Bale declaring himself the last piece of Real Madrid's mid-2010s jigsaw, a former Chelsea captain popping up in The Wire, un-highlights-able sports and a very brief history of England's pre-tournament warm-up games.Meanwhile, the panel enjoy the inevitable development that was Jose Mourinho to
Clicheship Years: 2023/24
With the curtain now closed on the domestic season, Football Clichés takes another look at the podcast's very best moments of 2023/24. In the style of the bafflingly beloved Premier League Years, this review features:A protracted summer transfer saga, the Pure La Liga XI, the finer technicalities of “ghosting in”, the birth of quiz format Happy Hunting Grounds, Gary Neville's unexpected Squid Game cameo, Eddie Howe being Eddie Howe, washing machines that sound like referees, The 'How Di
The Adjudication Panel: Double swoops, double saves & Down Under with Eddie Howe
Adam Hurrey is joined by David Walker and James Maw for the Adjudication Panel. The agenda includes: Eddie Howe's trip to the set of Neighbours, a technical query on the Premier League's save of the season, a stunning Match of the Day coincidence, Gus Poyet's JFK secret revealed and some heavy-metal Keys & Gray.Meanwhile, the panel decide when a club is truly "established" in the Premier League and whether signing two players from different clubs could ever be a "double swoop”.GET Y
The Football Clichés Quiz XIII: Cliches vs Dial F for Football
The Football Clichés Quiz returns and this month's opposition for the Clichés crew is Tayo Popoola, Mark G Smith and Stuart Laws who are the brains behind scripted football comedy podcast Dial F for Football.The colourful questions include a kit-manufacturer mystery, players who somehow never signed for West Ham, ludicrous La Liga nicknames, Steve McManaman's unique units of footballing measurement, musical footballers, Premier League shortarses, some more classic foreign-language dubbi
The Adjudication Panel: Pep's ice cream van, popping up with a goal & an "absolute football club”
Adam Hurrey is joined by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker for the Adjudication Panel. The agenda includes: another commentator answering their own rhetorical question, a brand new "good X for a big man" variation, a tuneful Serie A commentary exclamation, a Match of the Day protocol scandal, a superb rendition of a bragging-rights commentary classic and an all-conquering Manchester ice-cream merchant.Meanwhile, the panel ponder which goals you can and cannot "pop up" to score and enj
Hi-tech hoardings & tactically illiterate World XIs: The listeners' loves & hates
Adam Hurrey, Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker field this month's listener entries for Mesut Haaland Dicks, as the Clichés faithful nominate their niche footballing fascinations and irritations.Among the selections are the slow-motion facial expression of choice for a missed chance, why players don't take practice swings before dead-ball situations, the cynical optical illusion of double advertising hoardings and the scourge of fantasy XIs that have no tactical balance.Meanwhile, the
The Adjudication Panel: "Why can't they go on and win it?"
Adam Hurrey is joined by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker for the Adjudication Panel. The agenda includes: mangled football chants in sportswear adverts, a textbook crisis-deepener for Manchester United, some re-recorded commentary curiosity, more Football Names in Things and a brief history of last pieces of Premier League jigsaws. Meanwhile, the panel examine a use of "who else but" for a goalscorer in ice hockey and reassess the "a goal worthy of" threshold. Learn more about your
The Adjudication Panel: Mid-2000s Premier League antiques & how the square goalpost met its end
Adam Hurrey is joined by David Walker and Tom Williams on a midweek Adjudication Panel. The agenda includes: 1930s musical-inspired chants for Premier League right-backs, the mystery player behind a Premier League Player of the Month trophy on eBay, an unlikely after-dinner-speaking football duo, a perfectly-preserved cultural artefact in the men's toilets at Tranmere Rovers, why the EFL needs to fix its promotion-celebration banners, and much more.
Meanwhile, the panel enjoy one of European foo
The Adjudication Panel: Four-star Haaland & the most elaborate football analogy in modern politics
Adam Hurrey is joined by David Walker and Nick Miller for the Adjudication Panel. The agenda includes: Erling Haaland confounds football's obsession with the star-rating system, Sky Sports News hunting down Arne Slot, Jamie Carragher on the Toy Story franchise, Peter Crouch misunderstanding rollercoasters and Keys & Gray's new refereeing admin nemesis is revealed.
Meanwhile, the panel enjoy an above-average moment for football analogies in the political sphere.
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Gary Lineker meets Cliches: Why aren't strikers rounding the goalkeeper any more?
The pod welcomes Gary Lineker for the latest edition of Mesut Haaland Dicks, as the Match of the Day host and England legend chooses his six personal fascinations and irritations of football.
Among Gary's selections are his growing curiosity about expected goals, the psychology of penalty shootouts, the death of strikers rounding goalkeepers, a not-so-radical solution for quick free kicks, overindulgent TV slow-motion replays and the futile duty of pre-match interviews with managers.
Meanwhile,
The Adjudication Panel: Winning the "hard way" and the Missing Piece of the Jigsaw XI
Adam Hurrey is joined by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker for the Adjudication Panel. The agenda includes: whether Arsenal won the north London derby "the hard way", when Sarcastic Pep becomes impossible to separate from Normal Pep, commentators answering their own rhetorical questions, teams "sealing" relegation, more footballspeak at the snooker, a footballer-sounding shampoo innovation and Harry Redknapp opening a local supermarket.
Meanwhile, the panel analyse a listener's Missing Piece o
The Football Cliches Quiz XII - The Totally Football Show
The Football Clichés Quiz is back once again and this month the Clichés team welcome their latest podcast challengers in the form of the Totally Football Show's Michael Cox, Jay Harris and Sasha Goryunov.
The questions include managers who just know their clubs, Monday Night Football hotbeds, Player of the Month merchants, some more A.I. foreign-language dubbing action, 'bit of both' punditry line-ups and, of course, the Happy Hunting Grounds round.
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The Adjudication Panel: "Some bloke sat in a booth near the M4 with a fancy protractor"
Adam Hurrey is joined by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker for the Adjudication Panel. The agenda includes: some commentary highlights from the FA Cup semi-finals, a classic anti-VAR put-down, a surprise trumpet player on a George Michael album, football chat at the snooker once again, Guardian Football Weekly debating glancing headers and Thomas Muller ending the most tenuous footballing drought of all time.
Meanwhile, the panel discuss what type of goal is best described as "a peach" and dec
All-English European ties & post-goal iPad analysis: The listeners' loves & hates
Adam Hurrey, Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker field the listeners' April entries for Mesut Haaland Dicks, as the Clichés faithful nominate their niche footballing fascinations and irritations.
Among the selections are the hapless but unifying body language of a player who doesn't know where the ball is, a genuinely worrying peripheral astroturf hang-up, the downsides of teams from the same country being drawn together in Europe and the impact of the iPad on managerial decorum after their team
The Adjudication Panel: "What a horse he was, by the way"
Adam Hurrey is joined by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker for the Adjudication Panel. The agenda includes: players forgetting it's a cup game in their post-match interview, notably young referees, Wayne Rooney's childhood Match of the Day dream, Barclays-era referees popping up in The Simpsons and Andy Gray answering his own questions.
Meanwhile, the panel discuss teams "trying to score the perfect goal" and enjoy Matt Le Tissier being out-weirded for once.
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Sizeable hillocks & nightclubbing with McCoist: Jon Champion does Mesut Haaland Dicks
The pod welcomes commentator Jon Champion for the latest edition of Mesut Haaland Dicks, as he chooses his six personal fascinations and irritations of football.
Among Jon's selections are Ally McCoist's sheer enthusiasm for football (and life), the romance of the underdog, overseas fans' fascination with English football, the temptation of recency bias, the grilled shrimp at Minnesota United and the overcomplication of football terminology.
Meanwhile, the Adjudication Panel grill their guest on
The Adjudication Panel: James Ward-Prowse Territories & hasty Panenkas
Adam Hurrey is joined by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker for the Adjudication Panel. The agenda includes: James Ward-Prowse making the podcast eat its words, some subversive penalty commentary, some harsh words for a 50-yard clearance upfield, some rare footballers called Pete and people talking like Richard Keys in unexpected places.
Meanwhile, the panel bemoan some hasty Panenka-declaring and decide the derby most likely to inspire the words "in these parts".
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The Adjudication Panel: Elland Road trigonometry & the Footballers Called Pete crisis
Adam Hurrey is joined by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker on a midweek Adjudication Panel. The agenda includes: a much-needed abbreviation for the business end of the EFL campaign, some autopilot content with the Brazilian Ronaldo, an audiobook voiceover artist guessing the tune of a football chant, a unique goalscoring verb, Richard Keys on his own Wikipedia page and why there aren't any footballers called "Pete".
Meanwhile, the panel decide if a corner can be described as "[Player X] territ
The Adjudication Panel: We've said 'come and listen to this podcast' and you've said 'thank you very much, I will’
Adam Hurrey is joined by David Walker and Nick Miller for the Adjudication Panel. The agenda includes: Jude Bellingham staying one step ahead of the England news cycle, a suitably literal analysis of the chant "Is this a library?", whether a very specific type of penalty decision is really in the spirit of the game, Gary Neville on Beyonce, Andy Gray's greatest hits, and Richard Keys’ career advice for Xabi Alonso.
Meanwhile, the panel ponder how many passes constitute a "string" and whether a p
The Football Cliches Quiz #11
The Football Clichés Quiz is back once again as the Clichés team welcome their latest podcast challengers in the form of Scottish football experts The Terrace for a three-round Battle of Britain.
The questions include international allegiance switchers, potentially Satanic backwards football audio, Anglo-Scottish exports, some more A.I. foreign-language dubbing action, semi-forgotten Old Firm Englishmen and, of course, the Happy Hunting Grounds round.
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The Adjudication Panel: Among the assists, prime players & the tormentor-in-chief scale
Adam Hurrey is joined by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker for the Adjudication Panel. The agenda includes: Being "among the goals" (and, even worse, "among the assists"), whether Endrick really did "light up Wembley", if friendlies count as the "Road to [Tournament Host Nation X]" and whether the word "goalposts" is set for footballing extinction.
Meanwhile, the panel ponder which player has their "prime" cited the most before ranking and rating the terms used for an individual player being a
Centre-backs leading the line, overlapping kick-off time angst, and long-range near post goal aesthetics
Adam Hurrey, Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker field the listeners' March entries for Mesut Haaland Dicks, as the Clichés faithful nominate their niche footballing fascinations and irritations.
Among the selections are the quiet honour of spotting how much added time there will be before the fourth official holds the board aloft, the curious lack of a genuine market leader for shin pads, the aesthetics of long-range efforts going in at the near post and the anxiety of trying to choose which ga
The Adjudication Panel: Pivotal wins, corners in a dangerous position, and the Factory of Sadness
Adam Hurrey is joined by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker on the Adjudication Panel. The agenda includes: Jonathan Pearce's most Partridge moment to date, the parameters of a "pivotal" win, some inspired sleep-related footballspeak from Matty Cash, and the first ever recorded example of a commentator heralding an opener by saying "could it be one?".
Meanwhile, the panel ponder what sort of chance would be described as a "good one by his standards" and we look forward to a clash for the ages
The Adjudication Panel: Agemates, locksmiths & Alan Curbishley's garden
Adam Hurrey is joined by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker on a midweek Adjudication Panel. The agenda includes: footballspeak in the darts world, Rio Ferdinand on locksmiths, League One clubs tweeting like heartbroken teenagers, football-inspired parenting and some planning permission woe for Alan Curbishley.
Meanwhile, the panel ponder whether a penalty can be put "back where it came from" and whether a goal confirmed by goal-line technology can be described as "fired home".
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The Adjudication Panel: "Over to you [Title Rival X]" & Knuckleball on Corrie
Adam Hurrey is joined by David Walker and Nick Miller for the Adjudication Panel. The agenda includes: Guy Mowbray slips back into footballspeak on Gladiators, some free-kick technique on Coronation Street, the use of "over to you" in Premier League title races, a 4/10 Super Sunday promo montage, Anfield's "sucking the ball into the net" tradition turned on its head and some Keys & Gray chat that BeIN Sports didn't want us to hear...
Meanwhile, the panel decide whether a goal can be "taken well"
The Adjudication Panel: Great White Shark 0 Killer Whale 1 (72 mins)
Adam Hurrey is joined by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker for a midweek Adjudication Panel. The agenda includes: a new twist for "the streets will never forget", news of a textbook away win for a killer whale, some baffling Football Focus revisionism, the "dropping like flies" threshold, and Keys & Gray get stuck into IFAB's latest tweaks to the laws of the game.
Meanwhile, the panel debate the direction you should write out a starting lineup and run through a Premier League table of nickname
The Adjudication Panel: the Haaland missed sitter incredulity
Adam Hurrey is joined by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker on the Adjudication Panel. The agenda includes: a comprehensive review of the Haaland missed sitter incredulity, footballspeak finding its way into the World Indoor Athletics Championships, the great gap vs gulf vs chasm debate, Ollie Watkins' Weston-Super-Mare origin story, and yet another attempt by Keys & Gray to identify the next Manchester United manager.
Meanwhile, the panel define the difference between being in the mix, in the
The Football Cliches Quiz X
The Football Clichés Quiz returns for its tenth edition and, for the first time, the Clichés pod team up to take on the trivia might of the Career We Go Podcast across six rounds of niche football knowledge.
Posers include clubs who’ve never had an Adidas kit, Coventry’s forgotten Euro 2000 star, Premier League one-game wonders, A.I. translations of cult football outbursts, managerial microphilosophies, tantalisingly-revealed career paths and the Cliches pod's very own Happy Hunting Grounds roun
The Adjudication Panel: G-Nev's adjectives, cynical finishes & gobbling up chances
Adam Hurrey is joined by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker on the Adjudication Panel. The agenda includes: Gary Neville breaking an obscure rule of the English language, "doing the hard bit" before delivering a cross, unexpected Serie A references on Gladiators, the textbook scenario for a striker "gobbling up" a chance, a welcome return for "In & Around" Corner, and Keys & Gray's footballing weekend.
Meanwhile, the panel imagine what a "cynical" finish would look like and what constitutes "th
The Adjudication Panel: Lithuanian ultimate frisbee & how to divide up a league table
Adam Hurrey is joined by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker for a midweek Adjudication Panel. The agenda includes: the cut-off point for being able to say you work "in football", some curious commentary from the Lithuanian ultimate frisbee scene, a non-league co-commentator who exists almost purely in vowel sounds, the least perilous disciplinary tightrope of all time and the language of Champions League first legs.
Meanwhile, the panel decide the entry requirements for football's "exclusive cl
The Adjudication Panel: Sensory football, a 27-second bright start & the war on socks
Adam Hurrey is joined by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker on the Adjudication Panel. The agenda includes: the shortest bright start ever made to a football match, mid-2000s Man Utd workhorses popping up in US crime serials, the most cited of the five senses in football commentary, Keir Starmer's latest pre-election football analogy and Richard Keys' war on socks.
Meanwhile, the panel decide how far "a stone's throw" from a stadium is allowed to be and uncover a pro-Fulham TV drama conspiracy
”Genuine height", European banana skins and the listeners' fascinations & irritations
Adam Hurrey, Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker field the listeners' February entries for Mesut Haaland Dicks, as the Clichés faithful nominate their niche footballing fascinations and irritations.
Among the selections are mishit shots that turn into crossfield passes, players going to absurd lengths to convince a referee they got the ball in a tackle, when both sets of fans applaud a passage of play, full-backs refusing to readjust their shorts and montages that constantly remind you of a famo
The Adjudication Panel: Midfield "quarterbacks" & Montell Jordan's right-backs
Adam Hurrey is joined by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker on the Adjudication Panel. The agenda includes: The precise moment we allow ourselves to tell a goalbound free kick to "go on", a soap opera commanders a Premier League cultural cornerstone, Sean Dyche tackles his latest "trendy" scourge of modern football, an unexpected manager in a Siouxsie & The Banshees track and Montell Jordan sings about 1990s English right-backs.
Meanwhile, the panel pinpoint the rise and fall of the "quarterba
Les Dennis, paintbrush volleys & the Quiz Question XI
Adam Hurrey is joined by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker on the Adjudication Panel. The agenda includes: Les Dennis questions “the woodwork”, a never-before-heard alternative to "meat and drink", a prescient 2016 interview by Harry Redknapp, some unexpected footballer names in Murder, She Wrote and the concept of the "paintbrush volley".
Meanwhile, the panel pick Robert Earnshaw as their captain in a lineup of truly trivial players in the Pure Quiz Question XI.
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The Adjudication Panel: Horror shows, title blows and “different custard”
Adam Hurrey is joined by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker on the Adjudication Panel. The agenda includes: the parameters for a goalkeeping "horror show", Turkish footballer names in Scandinavian crime dramas, the rigid language of Chelsea home defeats, the charmingly basic logic of England's pre-Euros warm-up opponents and, inevitably, Richard Keys on Arsenal's post-match celebrations.
Meanwhile, the panel examine just what makes a manager "wily" (apart from being Scottish) and decide when it
Ref sandwiches, "teapot finishes" & the Premier League Mid-Point XI
Adam Hurrey is joined by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker on the Adjudication Panel. The agenda includes: Chris Wilder's curious refereeing complaint, an uncertain start to Mark Clattenburg's Gladiators role, an unexpected commentator's name on Silent Witness, and Tony Gale gives us the most baffling description of an effort on goal we've ever heard.
Meanwhile, the panel select one of their most delicately-balanced XIs so far: a lineup of players who represent the truest mid-point of Premier
The Adjudication Panel: FA Cup illusions & Andy Townsend’s octopus goalie
Adam Hurrey is joined by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker on the Adjudication Panel. The agenda includes: a fascinating audio illusion from West Brom vs Wolves, Ally McCoist & Andy Townsend's analysis of an Animal XI, commentator Jonathan Pearce ruins a French child's birthday, a niche but fundamental error of judgment in Michael Carrick’s autobiography and English football stadiums that sound like people.
Meanwhile, the panel try to envisage "the most FA Cup type of goal" and decide whether
The Adjudication Panel: The Lampardian Transition, 2014-2024
Adam Hurrey is joined by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker for a midweek Adjudication Panel. The agenda includes: Frank Lampard finally acknowledging his niche habit, some textbook crowd scenes at the snooker, the commentary hero of AFCON 2024 so far, a long-overdue appreciation of the yellow footballs used for indoor 5-a-side and Charlie produces a revelation in For My Sins Corner.
Meanwhile, the panel weigh up the the logic of people who hate football and identify the most "you’d run through
The Adjudication Panel: Footholds, foreign contingents & death metal midfielders
Adam Hurrey is joined by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker on the Adjudication Panel. The agenda includes: The criteria for a club looking to "kick on from here", a Canadian take on the cold, wet Tuesday night in Stoke, a Man Utd midfielder popping up in a death metal track, goalkeepers being "beaten all ends up" and Alan Pardew takes on Richard Keys.
Meanwhile, the panel debate the criteria for a team being called "toothless", a side getting a "foothold" in a match and how many players from o
The 'How Did [Player X] Never Play for [Club Y]?' XI
Adam Hurrey is joined by Charlie Eccleshare, David Walker and Jack Pitt-Brooke for a special January transfer window project: selecting a lineup of players who somehow never turned out for particular clubs.
The selection panel throw around thoughts such as which Old Firm club would have signed Mark Bosnich, just what it is about Younes Kaboul that suits QPR so much, how is it possible that Wayne Routledge spent ten years at Swansea, Peter Crouch: pure Fulham and much, much more.
Meanwhile, the A
The Adjudication Panel: The most Premier League fixture there never was
Adam Hurrey is joined by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker on the Adjudication Panel. The agenda includes: some glorious urging-to-shoot from Watford's away fans, Seamus Coleman and the most loyal 3.67 seconds in football history, a commentator's unexpected darts digression, football words that "get bandied about a lot" and an unacceptably emphatic announcement of added-on time.
Meanwhile, the panel envisage the exact opposite of a "striker's goal" and decide the most surprising fixture the Pr
A superb footballer name, defenders shooting from 30 yards and throw-in paranoia
Adam Hurrey, Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker field the listeners' January entries for Mesut Haaland Dicks, as the Clichés faithful nominate their niche footballing fascinations and irritations.
Among the selections are assistant referees refusing to touch the ball at any point, the geographical hierarchy of English football, tiny ways of keeping yourself amused during televised games you don’t really care about, the "anti-urging" of a centre-back to shoot from 30 yards, journalists tweeting
The Adjudication Panel: The longest 3.85 seconds in football history
Adam Hurrey is joined by Charlie Eccleshare and Nick Miller on the Adjudication Panel. The agenda includes: some ski-jumping commentary, fundamental football words we never knew had been cancelled, the minimum requirement for an FA Cup "journey" and the longest ever delay between a goal being scored and the away fans celebrating at the other end.
Meanwhile, the panel weigh up the "It's just like watching Brazil" threshold, decide which stadium PA announcement would get the least response from a
The Adjudication Panel: Washing machines that sound like referees
Adam Hurrey is joined by Charlie Eccleshare and Nick Miller on the first Adjudication Panel of 2024. The agenda includes: Matt Upson co-commentating on the rain, home appliances that sound like football things, barrel-scraping content in elite players' autobiographies, a long-overdue confession from Roque Santa Cruz and Richard Keys' Erik ten Hag impression.
Meanwhile, the panel decide what sort of shot constitutes a "piledriver" and whether a chance can be "tucked wide”.
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The Football Cliches Quiz IX
The Football Clichés Quiz returns for its ninth edition, and after years of standing on the sidelines it's finally the turn of David Walker to step up to the plate and take on defending champion Adam Hurrey, with past-winner Charlie Eccleshare once again assuming the role of quizmaster.
Walker and Hurrey battle it out over another five rounds of niche footballing knowledge, including Stuart Pearce's favourite areas of outstanding natural beauty, who Richard Keys likes to talk to about his blog i
The Adjudication Panel: Are we all truly ready for a Club World Cup?
Adam Hurrey is joined by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker on the final Adjudication Panel of 2023. The agenda includes: the football-as-chess-match analogy going too far, which club are most strongly associated with "languishing", if the current Championship table is the most Championship-looking in recent memory and a concerning new colloquialism among the refereeing family.
Meanwhile, the panel ponder how we will consume a 32-team, month-long Club World Cup.
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The Adjudication Panel: Glovesmiths and parking the bus at the Battle of Kursk
Adam Hurrey is joined by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker on the latest Adjudication Panel. The agenda includes: a tenuous talking point from Liverpool 0-0 Man Utd, Brazilian commentators fascinated by the East Anglian derby, an unprecedented new alternative word for "goalkeeper", a former Premier League defender’s name buried in Turkish psychedelic folk and a bumper edition of Keys & Gray Corner.
Meanwhile, the panel ponder an unexpected football reference in a sombre World War II podcast an
Centre-backs on the wing & "comunicado oficial"
The Athletic's Adam Hurrey, Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker field this month's listeners' entries for Mesut Haaland Dicks, as the Clichés faithful nominate their niche footballing fascinations and irritations.
Among the selections are foreign vocabulary you absorb through football, the debatable thrill of a 50-50 challenge between players with the same shirt number, lumbering centre-backs who suddenly find themselves out on the wing, the unwritten laws of a referee playing advantage and team
The Adjudication Panel: "The Mesut Ozil of public transportation"
Adam Hurrey is joined by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker on the latest Adjudication Panel. The agenda includes: Sean Dyche's multi-platform campaign against inauthentic goal celebrations, some truly wholesome commentary from the BBC's Jonathan Pearce, "the Mesut Ozil of public transportation", an 8/10 footballer's name in something, a tremendous Premier League Years-related story and the most sensual post-match interviewer of all time.
Meanwhile, the panel weigh up an intriguing "ketchup bot
Copycat knee-sliders & kicking balls into skips: Chloe Petts does Mesut Haaland Dicks
The pod welcomes comedian Chloe Petts for the latest edition of Mesut Haaland Dicks, as she chooses her six most niche fascinations and irritations of football.
Among Chloe's selections are the precarious vocal range of solo football chanters, the rise of copycat goal celebrations, members of the public kicking balls into thing for half-time on-pitch entertainment, the indignity of the unused-sub warm-down, the lack of true toxicity in the WSL and forecasting where managerial touchline fashion t
The Adjudication Panel: "He hit it where Grandma hides the jam jars"
Adam Hurrey is joined by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker on the latest Adjudication Panel. The agenda includes: the 'goalscoring formality' commentator intonation, the best off-pitch storming the Premier League has ever seen, Gary Neville's audio cameo in Squid Game: The Challenge, a new Italian contender to describe the top corner and Richard Keys lays out the future for Manchester United.
Meanwhile, the panel debate what it means for a team to "come unstuck", choose the most Euros-y Euro
The Adjudication Panel: Can a goalkeeper be a wonderkid?
Adam Hurrey is joined by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker for a midweek Adjudication Panel. The agenda includes: an inevitable Championship chant, the final reckoning for Harry Redknapp's car window, the first name on the teamsheet for a PGMOL Fast-Tracked Ex-Player Referees XI and a new low for football in films.
Meanwhile, Charlie and David go head-to-head once again in Premier League goalscoring quiz Happy Hunting Grounds.
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The Adjudication Panel: The things in football you can 'ooze'
Adam Hurrey is joined by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker on the latest Adjudication Panel. The agenda includes: Peter Drury's weather reports, the crucial difference between being "found out" and "worked out", things you can "ooze" in football, and who can and cannot be said to have "graced the Premier League".
Meanwhile, the panel take a close look at a magnificent YouTube 90s football project and envisage the archetypal "seen 'em given" penalty incident.
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Football freestylers & Sunday league rondo etiquette
Adam Hurrey, Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker field this month's listeners' entries for Mesut Haaland Dicks, as the Clichés faithful nominate their niche footballing fascinations and irritations.
Among the selections are the very deliberate way managers drink their bottled water, a deep dive into amateur-level stud selection, an unfathomable fetish for free kicks into the box that bounce all the way in, the merits of football freestylers, the etiquette of pre-match Sunday League rondos and go
The Adjudication Panel: 'The Scott McTominay of antibiotics'
Adam Hurrey is joined by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker on the latest Adjudication Panel. The agenda includes: bands named after footballers, fixtures being described as "mouthwatering" after they've happened, "the Scott McTominay of antiobiotics" and who exactly a player's "opposite number" is.
Meanwhile, there's a photo-finish in For My Sins Corner and Charlie's out for revenge in Premier League goals quiz Happy Hunting Grounds.
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The Pure EFL XI
Adam Hurrey is joined by Charlie Eccleshare, David Walker and Ali Maxwell - co-creator of the Not The Top 20 podcast - to take on the daunting task of selecting a lineup of players that embody the Football League in all its glory.
The selection panel weigh up a long list of ex-England Under-21 goalkeepers, stalwarts who dragged their clubs up through the divisions, players turned pundits, playmakers who dropped down the ladder to shine and cheerfully relentless goal machines.
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The Adjudication Panel: How many errors make a comedy of errors?
Adam Hurrey is joined by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker on the latest Adjudication Panel. The agenda includes: the inside story of a viral Sunday League wondergoal, the Premier League's Twitter account crosses a line, a Luton fan's incredibly niche spreadsheet and how Blackburn Rovers briefly got embroiled in the Iraq War
Meanwhile, the panel debate what constitutes a "rasping" shot and set the threshold for a defensive "comedy of errors."
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Gary Neville's parrots, with George Lewis
The pod welcomes comedian, actor and writer George Lewis for the latest edition of Mesut Haaland Dicks, choosing his six most niche fascinations and irritations of football.
Among George's selections are the HR-defying mythology of the dressing room, kids mindlessly emulating the mannerisms of star players, the rise of the words “we talk about...” in punditry and Coronation Street vs EastEnders in accurately depicting footballspeak.
Meanwhile, the Adjudication Panel analyse some AI commentary of
The dying art of managers moving upstairs, the 'revelation' threshold, and some low-key FA Cup magic
Adam Hurrey is joined by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker on the latest Adjudication Panel. The agenda includes: some low-key FA Cup magic from Horsham FC's Twitter account, yet more footballspeak in the political sphere, what makes a player "a revelation" and the dying art of managers "moving upstairs".
Meanwhile, the panel ponder how many goals constitute a player "helping themselves", which players are permitted to "run a game" and the first-choice verb for collecting assists.
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England's Euro 2024 clamour forecast and a Premier League quiz for the ages
Adam Hurrey is joined by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker for a midweek Adjudication Panel. The agenda includes: the final word on the "giant clubs" debate, some troubling new verbs emerging in the free-kick department and ex-Premier League wingers popping up in 2006 alt-country album tracks
Meanwhile, the panel forecast England's Euro 2024 clamouring saga and the pod dramatically unveils its new mini-quiz format, Happy Hunting Grounds.
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The most comprehensive definition of 'ghosting in' of all time
Adam Hurrey is joined by David Walker and Nick Miller on the latest Adjudication Panel. The agenda includes: whether or not a player's nickname can be inspired by a player from the same division, what constitutes a "late show", the art of the fake final whistle, the so-called refereeing "Big Two", an absurd development for Footballers' Names in Things, and which European clubs are eligible to be their country's "giants".
Meanwhile, the panel define which errors are the most 'schoolboy' and try t
The Pure La Liga XI
Adam Hurrey is joined by Charlie Eccleshare, David Walker and Jack Lang to compile the quintessential lineup of players from the last few decades of Spanish football and its many idiosyncrasies.
The selection panel weigh up "the Spanish Dave Beasant", at least three left-backs called "Fran", the inevitable Joaquin, a 7/10 story about Ruben Baraja, some pretty playmakers, an astonishing number of Serbians and a heartbreaking choice between two ageing Basque goal-getters.
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Sean Dyche's Glasto, cheat codes and a data dive into 'too little, too late'
Adam Hurrey is joined by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker on the latest Adjudication Panel. The agenda includes: a triple helping of "footballers' names appearing in things", Sean Dyche describes his Glastonbury weekend exactly as a football manager would, what constitutes a "crisp finish", footballing "cheat codes", early consolation goals and a potential fixture pile-up in an actual farmers' league and Richard Keys's latest irritation.
Meanwhile, the panel ponder how many goals behind a te
Background pub TV games, flip flaps & the quiet dignity of a club-branded mug
Adam Hurrey, Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker entertain the listeners' entries for Mesut Haaland Dicks, as the Clichés faithful nominate their niche footballing fascinations and irritations.
Among the selections are the political influences on modern-day school playground football, unacceptable names for skill moves, subtle ways to declare your club allegiance to office colleagues and a deep analysis of the lure of a background pub TV game that you didn’t think you'd care about.
Meanwhile, th
Electric in the air, the 'chipped in with X goals' threshold & Our Summer With Richard Keys
Adam Hurrey is joined by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker as the Cliches podcast returns with the first Adjudication Panel of 2023/24. The agenda includes: how and when a player can be “electric”, some scepticism about Dominik Szoboszlai’s Steven Gerrard-inspired tattoo, a sensational description for a central-midfield partnership and a long-awaited catch-up with Keys & Gray.
Meanwhile, the panel challenge the current “tackles always look worse in slow motion” dogma and decide, once and for a
The Football Clichés podcast is back! (Trailer)
Why do we talk about football the way we do? Adam Hurrey’s truly unique podcast returns to explore the glorious and unique language of football: the words, the phrases, the mannerisms and, above all, the clichés. It’s a podcast about everything we take for granted about the modern game.
Twice a week, the Football Clichés Adjudication Panel will rule on the latest crimes against football’s complex language, select obscure themed XIs, welcome star guests to choose their niche footballing loves an