Paws and Reflect
Haley Young
2025 update: I moved the Paws and Reflect blog to Substack last fall to write more broadly. Some of my voiceover posts, where I read essays aloud, will now also be available as podcast episodes. All of our old episodes (original podcast description below) will stay live! Original description, from 2022: Haley and Sean reflect on life with our delightful (and delightfully weird) blue heeler Scout. Since adopting her in 2019, we’ve trained through fear-based dog reactivity, fostered multiple shelter dogs, dealt with idiopathic epilepsy, and navigated so many ups and downs in between. In January 2023 we hit the road for full-time va...
Making my own peanut butter pie crust sundaes
I was with my ex the first time I tasted a peanut butter pie crust sundae. At that time he was not my ex, of course—he was my very new boyfriend. I was the perfect age to shout-sing Taylor Swift (when you’re fifteen and somebody tells you they love you, you’re gonna believe them) and mold my identity around everyone I liked, pushing against their boundaries in lieu of forming any of my own.It was a delicious sundae. I’d been to my hometown’s local ice cream chain many times before—I still carry
Mar 12, • 4:18
Close encounters of the creature kind
First drafted in Everglades National Park, after a week of mesmerizing nature experiences.Paddling a designated mangrove trail, I cringe as our inflatable kayak rubs the bottom of the pond. “We’re stirring up the mud,” I worry aloud. “How many organisms call this mud home?” Sean shakes his head.We turn around shortly after. By this point we’ve already seen five alligators (one swimming parallel to us, disquieting agility on full display) and a dozen birds and too many fish to count. I’m in awe t
Mar 8, • 4:29
Why I love to eschew marriage norms
Sean and I don’t regularly wear wedding rings. (The ones we do have are cheap nontraditional bands.) Our ceremony was short and, to be candid, kind of not a big deal. He did not only see me in my dress before our vows—he actually found my dress in the first place. I kept my last name. We rarely celebrate anniversaries beyond a “hey, look at the date!” nod.I am unduly proud of the ways we eschew marriage norms—and I think I’m finally able to name why.I worried for a while that my feelings were so
Mar 5, • 3:14
21: Dog Nerd Tries to Counter Condition Her Own Eye Drops
Sean and I recorded this on December 14th, three days after my eye surgery. Now I'm finally able to look at screens here and there to share it! Mostly a (somewhat silly) story of trying to make my drops suck less... but as usual the experience did make me think of some real dog connections too.
Dec 18, 2023 • 9:15
20: Visiting Family With Our Dog: Logistics, Advocacy, Emotional Processing
'Tis the season for holiday family time! We talk about how it can be (counterintuitively) harder to advocate for our dogs around loved ones than strangers, that it's okay to focus on humans-only activities sometimes, what our visits have looked like lately, and my very best advice for anyone who gets overwhelmed at social gatherings 🚐😉 Related links: How We Handle Traveling to See Family With Our Dog — older blog post about our logistics before we lived in a van Why I’m Risk Averse With Fam
Nov 30, 2023 • 30:12
19: Ego as a Dog Owner: Why I've Struggled, How It's Impacted Our Training, and Where We Are Today
Sean and I sit down to talk about the ways I've struggled with ego, self-righteousness, and external opinions in life with Scout, including where I think the pressure came from initially. I feel more confident about our life together today than ever before — but wow, has it been a journey to get here. Some blog posts that address similar topics: What Level of Obedience is "Good Enough" For My Dog? Is My Dog My Mirror? Yes and No Worst Moments in My Dog Ownership Working Through My Biggest
Nov 30, 2023 • 39:49
18: City Dog Rambles
Probably one of our least organized episodes to date (yes, that says something haha...) BUT Sean and I finally recorded another podcast! We reflect on our recent visit to New York City with Scout. Urban dogs & their people face so many challenges every day — it made me think about how adaptable our companions can be, how much work goes into taking good care of a canine in a city, how our environments affect our training goals & choices, and how different our life with Scout might have looked if
Nov 12, 2023 • 46:32
17: Fulfillment Deep Dive: How We Think About Fulfilling Our Dog (and Ourselves)
Haley and Sean sit down to talk about fulfillment, a topic inspired by a very kind listener in a podcast review. We discuss what biological fulfillment means to us, what it does for us & Scout, how we try to find activities that fulfill our cattle dog, and a bit on how we conceptualize our human fulfillment too. Related blog links: Fulfillment checklist article Reasons We Play "Just" to Play Our Play blog category Q&A From New Cattle Dog Owner on Fulfillment
Feb 13, 2023 • 42:58
16: We Live in a Van Now! First Impressions, Space Constraints, Pros & Cons of Being on the Road With a Dog
Sean and Haley sit down to record a podcast for the first time in a while after several weeks of transition. We're officially living full time in our converted van, Hermes! We talk about our first impressions of van life (we absolutely love it so far); how the small space has changed (and not changed) certain parts of our lives; Scout's fulfillment, confidence, and overall routine being on the road; what it's like to leave her alone in the van when we go somewhere that isn't dog-friendly; and a
Feb 4, 2023 • 38:58
15: Dog Training & Ownership Phrases That are Both True and Not True (aka "Semantics are Messy and Everything is Nuanced")
Haley and Sean run through a (not comprehensive) list of phrases I've heard often in the dog world — particularly in online training communities — that I think have merit (I see where they're coming from and agree in some contexts) but can also be reductionist (too sweeping of a generalization, misconstrued in unproductive ways, otherwise taken too far). So much depends on our personal connotations with different terms! We talk about: “Let dogs be dogs” “Let them sniff” “Dogs crave structur
Dec 12, 2022 • 37:10
14: Every Dog is Different: Honoring Individuality (While Still Generalizing Helpful Core Themes)
Largely inspired by our recent experiences fostering, Sean and Haley sit down to talk about how every dog is an individual even within a single breed or home or other group. While domestic dogs do share many overarching traits, they also each bring their own quirks and preferences to the table. When we make space for that, it can be so fascinating and fun. When we get caught up in expecting all dogs to be a certain way, though (often subconsciously) we can set ourselves up for disappointment, re
Dec 3, 2022 • 40:39
13: "Should" Everyone Foster? Rescue Pressure, Big Emotions, and Multi-Dog Integration Thoughts
Sean and Haley sit down to talk about fostering, which is clearly very top of mind lately. I am absolutely honored to have inspired some people with dogs like Scout (fearful, reactive, otherwise not social butterflies, etc) to open their homes to foster pets. I'd love to normalize the fact that creatures can coexist without directly interacting — it doesn't have to be "throw the dogs in the backyard and they immediately get along" all or nothing! That said, it's also really important to me that
Nov 28, 2022 • 24:51
12: The Rollercoaster of Fostering a Puppy with a Broken Leg (aka "It's Okay if Things Are Really Hard Sometimes")
Sean and Haley are a little tired and frazzled today after some busy weeks... but we sit down to talk about our current foster dog, a seven-month-old puppy with a broken leg, and the emotional rollercoaster we've lived since picking her up on Monday morning. We cover: a brief overview of Mystic's condition and what's made this situation challenging, that it's okay to have big emotions and struggle with things (yes, even if you're a self-proclaimed dog person with high standards!), that I've neve
Nov 25, 2022 • 52:27
11: Embracing Social & Observational Learning While Also Advocating for Our Dogs
Sean and Haley talk about social / observational learning with our dogs, how incredibly COOL and worthwhile those concepts are to explore, and also how they can fit into advocating for our pets. (Sometimes "showing our dog a person / dog / situation is okay" and "advocating for our dog" might sound contradictory, especially if we hear extreme statements at far ends of either spectrum, but they aren't mutually exclusive!) Some specific books that inspired these thoughts: Dog is Love by Clive Wy
Nov 6, 2022 • 33:54
10: Van Life FAQ: High-Level "Why"s and Some Build Details
Our van conversion will be finished in just three months! Sean and I sat down to answer some commonly asked questions about our choice to live in a van full-time along with a few build details. We go over: Why do we want to pursue van life in the first place? Why go through a conversion company for our build insteading of converting a van ourselves? Why buy our house a year and a half ago, and why sell it now? Why a Promaster? How is the van temperature controlled? How else have we set
Oct 29, 2022 • 41:45
9: Work-Life-Dog Ownership Balance: Nontraditional Career Changes, Guilt, Self Care
Sean and Haley talk about balancing work, dog ownership, and other responsibilities with self care and messy emotions — specifically in the context of working from home. It's been easy for me to feel like a remote work schedule should automatically mean my days are more productive (I don't have a commute to drain my time, I'm with Scout for more of the day so can fit in short frequent play sessions, etc) especially now that I've gone out on my own with a more flexible schedule. On the one hand?
Oct 23, 2022 • 52:17
8: Balancing the "Magic" of the Dog-Human Bond with Science & Critical Thinking
Sean and Haley talk about embracing the mythical magic of our relationship with Scout (how incredible is it that we harmoniously share life with a creature of a whole different species?!) while also staying rooted in an accurate perception of what makes our cattle dog, well, a dog. Sometimes we see animal lovers delving into "folk nonsense" and expecting unfair things from their companions (or creating potentially dangerous situations by assuming our pets automatically understand societal norms,
Oct 21, 2022 • 46:44
7: Dog Sports Deep Dive (Why Don't We Do Them?) and Internet Messiness
Sean and Haley talk about dog sports, inspired by a thoughtful friend's question of if not participating in them has ever been at all uncomfortable as a voice in the online dog community (or if we've ever been made to feel weird by others in the space). We discuss why we don't do organized dog sports with Scout (just personal preference and lifestyle!), whether or not we are "against" them (absolutely not!), some things we've observed about different dog sports communities as outsiders (many awe
Oct 15, 2022 • 45:39
6: Myths and Generalizations That Hurt Me as a New Dog Owner
Sean and Haley sit down to chat through some dog ownership myths and generalizations that have personally affected life with Scout. I've felt a lot of internal conflict on different topics, especially in my first year with her — and across-the-board, contradictory statements from different trainers and friends and family members fueled much of that turmoil. We talk about: The false idea that "good dogs have to love other dogs and people" It's not "all in how you raise them" and the nuance of
Oct 12, 2022 • 48:53
5: Not Having Kids: Parallels to Dogs, Species Differences, Individuality
A while ago I answered an "ask me anything" question on our Instagram story saying that no, Sean and I do not want human kids. I was completely floored at the number of messages — and diversity of responses — I received. So Sean and I sat down to dig into the topic further! We explore ways that dogs and kids do feel very similar to us, ways they're different, if having Scout fills the "role" of a kid for us at all, and some other nuance along the way. Some links: Strange Planet comic I referen
Oct 9, 2022 • 54:56
4: Training Evolution: Guilt? Asking Why, Honing Values, Comparing Our Life Today to the Past
Sean and Haley try to distill a massive topic into an hour of conversation: how our training has evolved over time with Scout and whether or not we regret things we did in the past. This topic was initially inspired by someone on Instagram asking us to discuss guilt about previous training methods and snowballed into an attempt to (at least at a high level) reflect on our journey over time. There's a lot to unpack! So many confounding variables. Lots of emotions, too. But above all, we're happy
Oct 2, 2022 • 1:02:32
3: Fostering With a Reactive Resident Dog: Logistics, Emotions, Reflections
Sean and Haley talk about our fostering experiences. I'm thrilled we've been able to welcome new dogs into our home even with Scout's fear / social awkwardness / general discomfort! We get into some of our personal logistics to make sure every creature in our home feels safe and advocated for (you can read more about our initial integration process with our first foster here) as well as the many emotions fostering has brought about and how we manage our own human wellbeing, too. * Note: “Reactiv
Sep 25, 2022 • 1:00:38
2: Healthy Relationships: Our History, Communication, and Parallels to Dogs
Sean and Haley sit down to talk about relationships. We briefly touch on our history as a couple (I adopted Scout when we'd been dating for 4-5 months and she was just "my" dog at first), discuss things that went well and things we struggled with as we came to own Scout together, and make multiple connections between dog-human and human-human relationships throughout. At the end I share my very favorite (and rather morbid) way to alleviate feelings of frustration with the creatures I love. You c
Sep 22, 2022 • 54:59
