The Look & Sound of Leadership

Essential Communications - Tom Henschel

Boost

Boost

An ongoing series of Executive Coaching Tips designed to help you be perceived in the workplace the way you want to be perceived.

How to Build Self-Esteem

A leader suddenly hears how harshly she speaks to herself. Wanting help, she turns to her coach who gives her tools to build a practice of self-esteem.     The three self-esteem practices are:Self-Acceptance: Practice being FOR yourselfSelf-Worth & Happiness: Practice saying, “I am worthy of being happy”Live in Reality: Practice acknowledging what is and what is not.Download our free Feeling Words Grid.The Tools bin with other free resources is here.Four ways to help you live in reality:Respect

Feb 6, • 24:04

How to Build an Executive

A coaching client wonders what elements need to be present for someone to appear ‘executive.’ Two executive coaches ponder this question and come up with five elements they deem essential.Categories in the archive to explore:Developing New BehaviorsExecutive PresencePerception – How You’re PerceivedSix episodes to dive into:189 - Don’t Take Anything Personally178 - Executive Presence – Three Pillars168 -

Jan 9, • 26:12

How to Answer “Tell Us About Yourself”

A senior leader, upset about having flubbed her reply to ‘Tell us about yourself’ during a high-stakes interview, talks with her coach about how to prepare for what she considers to be an incredibly stupid question. Categories in the archive to explore:Communication SkillsExecutive PresencePresentation SkillsSix episodes to dive into:34 - Keeping Repeated Materials Fresh77 - The Power of Rehearsal65 - Sorting & Labe

Dec 5, 2024 • 20:41

How to Tackle Overtalking

A chief officer had known for years he was an over talker. His CEO, desperate for improvement, gave him a coach. This episode highlights their first coaching conversation. Two mindsets from this episode:When you speak, have a destination in mind. Ask yourself: “What is my point exactly?” and “Why is this something they need to know?”Pay attention to your listeners. Respond to their interests.Ask yourself: “Does what I’m talking about right now help us get to the destination?” If not, skip it.It

Nov 7, 2024 • 22:11

Building Listening

A vice-president gets kudos for likability but knocks for her inability to listen. With her coach, she talks about listening repeatedly. This episode features one of those conversations. The 3 listening mindsets:Listen to learnFeelings are naturalStay separateDownload the free multi-page learning tool about listening here. This episode is tagged in three categories in our podcast archive:Communication SkillsManaging YourselfRelationship BuildingFive episodes you might listen to are:136 -  A Brea

Oct 3, 2024 • 22:53

Mastering Anxiety

Battling perfectionism and anxiety, a leader asks her coach for help and learns a tool that helps her tame her terrors. This episode dovetails with many ideas in last month’s episode about Coaching versus Therapy.Tom talks about his own bout with anxiety and a near career-ending attack of nervousness in this episode from April. https://essentialcomm.com/podcast/mastering-nerves/Pixar’s Inside Out 2 has a powerful depiction of a 13-year-old girl suffering a full-blown anxiety attack. The experien

Sep 5, 2024 • 18:41

Coaching versus Therapy

Tired of feeling like a fraud, a leader searches for help down different paths. She and her coach talk about how coaching is, and is not, like therapy.The leader in this episode wrestles with feelings of being a fraud. Tom talks about three resources to help manage that feeling:“The Executive Impostor”  Episode #176 of “The Look & Sound of Leadership”Self-Esteem at Work by Nathaniel Branden & Warren BennisThe Confidence Code by Katty Kay and Claire ShipmanAdditional tools to support your profess

Aug 8, 2024 • 23:19

Giving Upward Feedback

A leader and her coach discuss a three-step model for turning upward feedback into a learning conversation that might allow the boss to hear the message. This month’s coaching conversation explores whether feedback should be given upwards in the first place. If so, are there ways to deliver the feedback effectively? Download the free “Giving Upward Feedback” PDF.In the commentary, Tom tells a story about the Marshmallow Test being debunked. Here’s the column he mentions.This episode is tagged in

Jul 11, 2024 • 22:01

Networking Conversations – Part Two

Knowing she’ll need to network to achieve her career goals, an ambitious leader asks her coach what a good networking conversation actually sounds like.Resources for Building Your Networking SkillsLeverage the latest algorithm on LinkedIn with this research report.Coaching For Leaders podcast: “How to Grow Your Professional Network”Coaching For Leaders podcast: “Executive Presence with Your Elevator Speech”10 Rules for NetworkingLink to 10 Rules of Networking PDF in Essential Tools binSorting &

Jun 6, 2024 • 23:52

Networking Conversations – Part 1

An ambitious leader knows she’ll need to network to achieve her career goals. But, to her, networking feels slimy, so she asks her coach for help. Some core concepts from this episode:The purpose of networking is to know people.Don’t target people. Nurture a relationship.Make networking 5% of your job every week.Networking makes you a more valuable employee.Show interest in the other person. No monologuing about yourself.Listen to Tom’s “Flow” and “Fall” stories on the Coaching Stories podcast w

May 9, 2024 • 16:16

Mastering Nerves

Before testifying in a high-stakes case, a theorist and his coach swap horror stories about their nerves hijacking them and the lessons they learned. Tom’s Top Three Ideas for Mastering Nerves:Celebrate Incremental ImprovementWrite Happy EndingsIgnore Your NervesHere is the clip of Emma Stone battling her anxiety.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VkN0sPQ76E0Email Tom and tell him he’s crazy here.For Coaches! 2 Resources!1.  Coaching Stories Podcast2.  Executive Coaching Special Interest Group spon

Apr 4, 2024 • 23:36

Conquering People Pleasing

Angry at himself for continually putting others’ needs before his own, a leader turns to his coach for tools. He learns a new way to think and a behavior to try. Be in touch with Tom here.Listen to Tom’s conversations with Neha on “Bridge to Leadership” podcast here and here.Our Essential Tools bin has free resources to help you build your look and sound of leadership. G.W. Bailey’s imdb page is here.This episode lives in the podcast archive in these three categories:For WomenManaging YourselfSe

Mar 7, 2024 • 26:10

Finding Management Courage

A vice president, struggling to control his team of artists, learns a technique for managing bad behavior from his coach. He likes it so much, he uses it with his high performers, too.The tool described in this episode is simple to understand but may take a bit of courage to implement.Courage can be taught. Brené Brown created her Dare to Lead course for exactly that purpose. Ready to build your courage? Reach out to us here. Find more resources to build your skills in the podcast archive. Searc

Feb 1, 2024 • 18:46

5 Strategies for Dealing with Narcissists

A leader is so furious with his self-absorbed boss, he considers quitting the company. He asks his coach to help him manage himself and defuse his triggers.In addition to the five strategies Tom talks about in this episode, there are lots more strategies in his conversation with Dave Stachowiak on Coaching For Leaders “How to Deal with a Boss Who’s a Jerk.” Tom’s wide-ranging conversation with Josh Dittmer can be found here.Free tools to support your professional development are in our Essential

Jan 11, 2024 • 18:17

Leading with Political Savvy – Part 2

Tired of losing to more savvy players, a leader seeks to decode the secrets of playing politics, focusing particularly on company culture. Download our free Political Style Chart here.“The Secret Handshake” is a great tool for mastering workplace politics. Looking for a transcript of the show?  Read it here.More tools are in our podcast library. This episode is in three categories:For WomenPerception – how you perceive othersRelationship BuildingHere are five episodes to help develop your politi

Dec 7, 2023 • 21:41

Leading with Political Savvy – Part 1

A leader feels stuck. She sees others winning resources she felt should have been hers, but she hates playing politics. What to do? Download our free Political Style Chart here.“The Secret Handshake” is a great tool for mastering workplace politics. Many more tools are in our podcast library. This episode is in three categories:Self-TalkLeadershipFor WomenHere are five episodes to help develop your political savvy:187 - Agreeable Disagreement215 - How to Stay Calm Under Fire192 - Pursuing a Prom

Nov 2, 2023 • 27:09

Building Consensus – Savvy or Sin?

A leader, surrounded by people she knows and trusts, can’t seem to get traction with them. In conversation with her coach, she discovers an unexpected cause.Tools for teams abound in this episode. The four tools Tom suggests as first steps for helping your team openly discuss ideas are:Say ‘thank you’ when people offer an idea;Be curious; don’t dismiss ideas or people;Don’t take differences personally; it’s not about you;Develop your comfort with disagreement.The Gradients of Agreement tool supp

Oct 4, 2023 • 27:06

The Conflict Resolution Wheel

A co-founder, at odds with his partner (also his best friend!), reaches out to his coach for help saving the business and the friendship. The episode introduces The Conflict Resolution Wheel. Download it for free from our Essential Tools bin along with other communication tools like the Feeling Words Grid.The Wheel is based on a tool in the Couple Communication course, a program to help you understand and connect with your partner better.The course’s workbook, Talking and Listening Together, is

Sep 7, 2023 • 24:56

Essential Skills that Shaped a Leader

A senior leader, having risen through the ranks, ends her coaching engagement by comparing notes with her coach about the skills that have helped her most. This episode identified seven essential leadership skills:Conquer catastrophic thinking;Use fewer words;Value relationships as highly as results;Don’t take anything personally;Commitment to Development;Reflection;Speak for Yourself.Resources to develop those last three:Commitment to DevelopmentThe Executive Executive – an episode with a diffe

Aug 3, 2023 • 21:31

Taming the Defensiveness Dragon

At the end of her rope, a leader asks her coach for help managing a direct report who, she says, is the most defensive person she’s ever met. This episode was packed with tools. We’ve put them into an easy-to-understand infographic. Download it for free here. Kim Scott, the best-selling author of the electric book Radical Candor, wrote a short, friendly guide with tools for handling defensive employees. Find it here.Harvard Business Review’s Amy Gallo talked with Dave Stachowiak on this episode

Jul 6, 2023 • 27:56

Unlocking Executive Presence through Emotional Intelligence

During her first C-suite years, a leader burned a lot of bridges. Her boss, who’d traveled a similar path, gets her a coach and sets only one goal: repair relations through emotional intelligence.Lots and lots of tools and resources this month:Free downloads:The Feeling Words GridEQ ModelBooks and papers to sharpen your skills“Executive Presence: The Missing Link between Merit and Success” “The EQ Edge: Emotional Intelligence and Your Success”“Thanks for the Feedback: The Science and Art of Rece

Jun 8, 2023 • 22:11

Staying Afloat in a Shitstorm

A highly effective leader finds herself in the middle of a terrible mess, not of her own making. When her coach marvels at her ability to stay calm amidst the chaos, she shares a lesson she learned from her dad.In addition to the tools discussed during this episode, Tom also talks about:“Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes are High.”Conversations with Coaches – Episode #184Executive Coaching Special Interest GroupThe Feeling Word GridThis episode is tagged in three categories in

May 11, 2023 • 26:01

How to Command a Room

Wanting to command rooms with her voice, a team leader turned to her coach for exercises. She learned the secrets of “RVP.”In this episode, five practices to help you develop a voice that will command a room are discussed:Vocal varietyExpect resistanceRhythmVolumePitchThis episode has multiple tips and tools for each of those five development areas.The Zootopia clip that gets so much attention is here:    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HHKwnUa3txoThis episode is tagged in three categories in th

Apr 6, 2023 • 21:31

The Sound of Leadership & Management - 2023

In conversation with her coach, an executive explores whether leaders and managers use language differently in order to be effective in their roles.There are lots of ideas in this episode. To help you sort the tools and put them into practice, we’ve created an infographic for you to download. It’s in the Essential Tools bin along with all the others. Help yourself!This episode is tagged in three categories in the Podcast Library:LeadershipManagement SkillsPerception – How You’re PerceivedFive re

Mar 2, 2023 • 20:51

Leadership v Management - 2023

An executive, in conversation with her coach, wonders if leaders and managers are different. And whether it matters.This episode has lots of ideas flying around. To help you sort the tools and put them into practice, we’ve created an infographic for you to download. It’s in the Essential Tools bin along with all the others. Help yourself! This episode is tagged in three categories in the Podcast Library:LeadershipManagement SkillsRelationship BuildingFive related episodes you might listen to are

Feb 2, 2023 • 21:21

Finding a Lighter Path

A leader, stuck in an unhealthy cycle, searches for a way out. In conversation with his coach, he learns a four-square tool that just might work.A new free Essential Tool illustrating the four-square model is available for download in the Essential Tools bin. No login required. Help yourself.The model in this month’s episode is a variation on The ACT Matrix. Here’s our favorite YouTube video about The Matrix.The creators of The ACT Matrix wrote a book to help practitioners use the tool.This curr

Jan 12, 2023 • 19:10

How to Act in Your Own Best Interest

A team leader had a habit of jumping to conclusions. His most recent leap landed him in hot water. In conversation with his coach, he learns a tool for making better choices.We created a new free Essential Tool illustrating The Ladder of Inference. It’s in the Essential Tools bin along with all the others. Please help yourself.The “Don’t Judge Too Quickly” ads are on YouTube here:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UP8NRgWtPaE&t=18sThis current episode is tagged in the library in three categorie

Dec 8, 2022 • 21:41

How to Turn on Your Executive Thinking

A senior executive worries that his lieutenants are not being taken seriously by the senior leadership team. He discusses with a coach how to help his rising leaders accelerate their growth. This is that conversation.     We created a new free Essential Tool for you called “Executive Thinking.” It illustrates the “altitude” analogy Tom told during the episode. It also supports one of the four exercises you can do with your team.Additional Essential Tools that support other exercises are “Before

Nov 3, 2022 • 19:23

How to Disarm a Trigger

A leader causing upset among her people is given a coach. In conversation, they examine what might be triggering people to be upset with her. The exploration leads to a simple, yet difficult, idea.Transcripts of every episode are available for download in our library. Tom mentioned two episodes with mindfulness tools. They are: The Mindful ExecutiveThe Focused Executive.This episode is filed in three categories in the library:Managing YourselfPersonal Growth & Self-DevelopmentSelf-TalkIn add

Oct 6, 2022 • 23:28

Responsibility Charting

A team leader is tired of kerfuffles. In conversation with her coach, she learns to use a simple chart that generates almost miraculous results.The chart is available to you here. Please, help yourself.Other tools for leading your team that Tom mentioned in this episode include The Five Dysfunctions of a Team by Patrick Lencioni. You can download a sample of the team development tool based on the book that Tom mentioned. The Five Behaviors of a Cohesive Team assessment is available to you here.I

Sep 8, 2022 • 23:20

The Conflict Conversation

What’s helpful to say when you’re in an argument? How can you prepare to have an argument? This month’s coaching conversation dives deeper into the topic of “Conflict” which began last month. This episode has scripts and concepts for mastering The Conflict Conversation. We’ve created another PDF to support your leadership development. It’s a feedback model detailing actions and intentions for you. If you’re serious about your leadership, you have to be serious about mastering the art of feedback

Aug 4, 2022 • 19:13

Conflict

Conflict is inevitable, but most of us were never taught skills to help us find our way through the dark corridors of this house called “Conflict.” This month’s coaching conversation illuminates predictable patterns and practical tools to navigate successfully through Conflict House. If you’re looking to develop your executive presence, our latest PDF is for you. It talks about the four factors every executive needs to be effective. It’s free. You can find it in our Tools bin.  Help yourself. Th

Jul 7, 2022 • 18:48

Holding Boundaries

A leader, often reticent to speak up on her own behalf, learns tools to help her ask for what she wants without worrying she’ll incite a battle.This month we’ve created another free PDF for you in our Tools bin. This one is to help you use video playback to achieve The Look & Sound of Leadership.This month’s episode is tagged in the Podcast Library in these three categories:AssertivenessCommunication SkillsManaging YourselfRelated episodes you might listen to are: 188 Boundaries164 Conflict1

Jun 9, 2022 • 20:52

How to Set Boundaries

Kindness is killing a leader’s ability to set and hold effective boundaries. She works with her coach to find her voice and along the way discovers an empowering image about boundaries.We’ve put lots of free PDFs in our Tools bin to help you achieve The Look & Sound of Leadership.This episode is tagged in three categories in the Podcast Library:AssertivenessManaging YourselfSelf-TalkFive related episodes you might listen to are: 216  7 Steps to Stop Emotional Hijacks204  Blind Spots188  Boun

May 5, 2022 • 23:28

Two Paths to Flow

A worried leader seeks help finding balance between going with the flow and giving himself a larger voice.Visit our Tools bin for free PDFs to help you achieve The Look & Sound of Leadership.This episode is tagged in three categories in the Podcast Library:AssertivenessManaging YourselfRelationship BuildingFive related episodes you might listen to are: 21Eliminating Distractions59  Focus in the Face of Distractions 30Self-Knowledge as Leadership184    The Focused Executive142    The Mindful

Apr 7, 2022 • 19:32

How Leaders Can ‘Play Better Poker’

A missed promotion prompts a leader to complain to her CEO. The CEO responds by getting her a coach, which results in explorations of authenticity, self-awareness and self-management.Visit our Tools bin for free PDFs to help you achieve The Look & Sound of Leadership.This episode is tagged in three categories in the Podcast Library:Managing YourselfPerception - How You Perceive YourselfPerception - How You’re PerceivedSeven related episodes you might listen to are: #71 – Act “As If”#204 – Bl

Mar 3, 2022 • 18:51

7 Steps to Stop Emotional Hijacks

A leader, ashamed of hurtful words she spoke to a colleague, explores what happened with her coach. She learns seven techniques for keeping herself from future emotional hijacks.      Download a free PDF about the seven steps to help you stop emotional hijacks here.This episode is tagged in five categories in the Podcast Library:    Managing YourselfPerception - How You Perceive YourselfPerception - How You’re PerceivedPersonal Growth & Self-DevelopmentSelf-TalkSeven related episodes you mig

Feb 3, 2022 • 16:43

How To Stay Calm Under Fire

A leader is given a presentation coach and two goals: ‘tell a better story’ and ‘be more responsive in the moment.’ This episode is the coaching conversation about the second goal: be responsive in the moment.This episode is tagged in four categories in the Podcast Library:Communication SkillsExecutive PresencePresentation Skills Self-TalkSix related episodes you might listen to are: #214 How to Turn Data Into Stories#160Prepping Like a TED Talker#157Talking Like a TED Talker#161Performing Like

Jan 6, 2022 • 19:59

How To Turn Data into Stories

A leader is given a presentation coach and two goals: ‘tell a better story’ and ‘be more responsive in the moment.’ This episode is the coaching conversation about telling a better story. There are four tools in the episode:1. Grab our list of questions   [please link to the PDF]2. Build a puzzle for your listeners3. Create a hero in jeopardy4. Work with a partner – cautiously!This episode is tagged in three categories in the Podcast Library:Communication SkillsExecutive PresencePresentation Ski

Dec 2, 2021 • 20:27

How to Re-engage a Team

Worried that working remotely has disconnected her team, a leader asks her coach for help and learns a powerful tool.Being able to lead your team in growth exercises is a critical leadership skill. This episode is full of tips and guidance for strengthening that muscle.Tom strongly endorses the Liberating Structures website. Lots of amazing free resources there.He also recommends a conversation with Dave Stachowiak on Coaching for Leaders about “How to Lead an Offsite.”This episode is tagged in

Nov 4, 2021 • 24:34

How To Coach Your People

A no-nonsense leader is asked to add coaching to her list of duties. She turns to the coach who’d coached her for a quick immersion course. Coaching your people requires a shift in thinking and a specific set of behaviors. These ideas are captured in a PDF about the GROW model. It’s available to you for free here.This month we are offering three free mini-courses. Come join us!Demystifying Workplace ConflictUnderstanding Yourself and Others (DiSC)Get 15% off your registration with either of thes

Oct 7, 2021 • 22:43

How To Show Up

Frustrated at not showing up the way she wants to, a leader, in conversation with her coach, explores ways to integrate her values into her behavior.To show up as more of whatever you want to be, ask yourself: What would be different if I were a little braver right now?What would a brave person do right now?What would I think, or what would I feel, if I were my bravest self right now?How is my self-talk helping how I show up?How is my self-talk holding me back in how I show up?(Substitute your o

Sep 2, 2021 • 24:23

How To Grow Your Self-Management

In this episode, a leader feels she lacks courage. She engages her coach in a conversation about how to use self-awareness and self-management as tools to help her become a little bolder.The self-talk scripts discussed in this episode, plus the four-box process Tom described, are available to you in a PDF. You can request it in an email to Tom here or you can download the PDF here.Other resources mentioned in this episode:Last month’s episode connects (like Pop Beads!) to this episode: How to Bu

Aug 5, 2021 • 22:24

How To Build Self-Awareness

Self-awareness, like any muscle, can be built through discipline.In this episode, a leader learns two exercises to help build awareness of her thoughts and feelings.The two exercises discussed in this episode are detailed in a PDF that we’d love to send you. Send us an email and we’ll send back the PDF. The PDF also contains the Feeling Words Grid.Other resources mentioned in this episode: E.Q. Applied by Justin Bariso – a helpful, friendly book chock-full of exercises.Sort the episode library u

Jul 1, 2021 • 26:18

The Democratic Leader

A new leader worries about having to become a dictator in order to meet her goals. She and her coach explore the challenges inherent in trying to be a truly democratic leader.Core concepts in this episode:When pressured, many leaders revert to giving orders.People need time to feel safe speaking up to a new leader.A democratic leader doesn’t have to give everyone their way, just give everyone their say.When listening to ideas, just listen. Don’t fix or tweak or improve.The Essential Communicatio

Jun 3, 2021 • 21:40

Tough Conversations

A leader, initially described to his coach as clueless, confronts a hard truth about himself. In the process, he gains a four-step tool to guide him through tough conversations. Core Concepts in this episode: To convey a tough message and maintain a positive relationship: 1. Start with a full-stop. Act, don’t RE-act. Identify why this conversation is important. 2. Express intention. Say why you’re having the conversation and what your concerns are. 3. Be clear. Be simple. Identify what you wish

May 6, 2021 • 25:33

Understanding Feedback

This month’s coaching conversation explores ways to make feedback more palatable. The secret: sort the feedback you receive into three distinct categories. Many ideas in this episode and last month’s episode are explained more fully in the book: ‘Thanks for the Feedback: The Science and Art of Receiving Feedback Well – even when it is off base, unfair, poorly delivered and, frankly, you’re not in the mood.’” Related episodes are: Unblocking Feedback (from last month) Don’t Take Anything Persona

Apr 1, 2021 • 27:22

Unblocking Feedback

This month’s coaching conversation follows a client as he works to shrink his blind spot through feedback. He and Tom discuss lowering the barriers that stop us all from taking in feedback. In the episode Tom mentions “Thanks for the Feedback” by Douglas Stone and Sheila Heen. Tom also mentioned the PDF showing The Johari Window.   Related episodes are: Feedback Leadership Managing Yourself Perception – How You Perceive Yourself   Five related episodes you might listen to are: Getting Good Fe

Mar 4, 2021 • 22:05

Blind Spots

This month’s coaching conversation features a leader too talented to lose but too troublesome to keep. Tom talks with him about blind spots and how he might reduce his. PDFs for you: The Johari Window Who’s Coachable Win an hour of free coaching with Tom. Complete our survey. The full archive is at: https://essentialcomm.com/podcast Related Archive Categories: Perception – How You Perceive Yourself Self-Talk Managing Yourself Personal Growth & Self-Development Related Episodes: Thinking

Feb 4, 2021 • 27:50

The Show Must Go On

In this special episode, Tom tells a story of being onstage one night in front of a packed theatre audience when the show most definitely did NOT go on. He also shares the lesson he learned from that calamity — a lesson he has subsequently shared with the hundreds of leaders he’s coached who need confidence as presenters.   The archive of all the past episodes is available at: http://essentialcomm.com/podcast/   Subscribe to the HTML version at: https://essentialcomm.com/subscribe/   Be in touch

Jan 22, 2021 • 17:29

The Executive Executive

This month’s coaching conversation is between Tom and Courtney, another executive coach. What traits, they wonder, do effective executives share? If rising leaders wanted to reverse engineer what it means to be executives, what would they put in the mix? The five qualities Tom and Courtney identify are: Resilience -- get over hurts and setbacks  Influence – build a natural reserve of strong relationships  Organization –  create lead-time and eliminate fire drills  Scope – maintain the highest al

Jan 14, 2021 • 27:23

The Rising Executive

This month’s coaching conversation features a newly promoted leader. He and Tom explore the tools needed to build a strong team quickly. Lots of links this month! At one point in the episode, Rafael mentions his impostor syndrome. For tools about impostor syndrome, check out: The Executive Impostor In the commentary, I mention two books: The Five Dysfunctions of a Team and Overcoming The Five Dysfunctions of a Team This is the field guide that will show you how to work with your team. Other re

Dec 10, 2020 • 19:23

Two dates & a gift — A bonus episode!

Two dates: Monday, November 30, 2020 The survey closes. Complete four questions to be entered to win an hour of free coaching with Tom https://essentialcomm.com/survey Thursday, December 3, 2020 Registration closes for “Leveraging Your Strengths and the Strengths of Others.” After decades delivering courses for our corporate clients, we finally created a course for you. Register at: https://essentialcomm.com/disc The gift is a 60-second practice to help you be strong and resilient. Take care of

Nov 20, 2020 • 4:23

Style Conversations

This month’s coaching conversation is about creating a script called ‘Style.’ The script helps make difficult conversations easier. Complete this month’s four-question survey and be entered to win an hour of free coaching with Tom. essentialcomm.com/survey Sign-up for a small-group, highly interactive Zoom course about the DiSC Behavioral Self-Assessment. This course is available to the first 12 people who sign up: essentialcomm.com/disc If the sign-up is closed when you go to the page, put your

Nov 5, 2020 • 24:59

Personal Connections

This month’s coaching conversation follows a leader who worries that he’s not very adept when it comes to creating personal connections. He and Tom explore two skills and one mindset that will help ease his way. Related episodes: Dynamic One-on-ones Facilitating Open Dialogue Inviting Dialogue Questions as Leadership The Human Element   In the archive, this episode is tagged in three categories Relationship Building Social Skills Managing Yourself   Help us build a better website for you. Compl

Oct 1, 2020 • 23:51

Psychological Safety

This month’s coaching conversation explores how leaders can foster psychological safety. Teams high in both safety and accountability enter a “Learning Zone” where high performance follows naturally. In this month’s conversation, Tom and his client mentioned “The Checklist Manifesto” by Atul Gawande. His proposition is a great formula for creating psychological safety. Related episodes are: Agreeable Disagreement Assertion versus Aggression “Don’t Take Anything Personally” Inviting Dialogue The

Sep 3, 2020 • 25:44

Giving Upward Feedback

This month’s coaching conversation explores whether feedback should be given upwards in the first place. If so, are there ways to deliver upward feedback effectively? In the commentary, Tom tells a story about the famous Marshmallow Test being debunked. Here's the column he mentions: https://www.theatlantic.com/family/archive/2018/06/marshmallow-test/561779/?utm_source=atl&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=share   Related episodes are: Dealing With Emotional Responses Delivering Tough Feedback Giv

Aug 6, 2020 • 20:54

Learnings From Video

This month’s coaching conversation follows a client exploring a surprising use for video, plus a game of imagination. The Marshmallow Test is explained in “Self-Awareness & Self-Management” Core Concepts in this episode: Video provides distance that can help break old patterns. Some people are highly agitated these days. Their agitation is not about you. Don’t take it personally. You might find yourself more annoyed than normal. Don’t act on it.   RELATED ARCHIVE CATEGORIES Leading Teams Managi

Jul 9, 2020 • 21:47

The Intentional Leader

This month’s coaching conversation wrestles with the obstacles that arise when you try listening to people who think out loud – often at great length! This month’s coaching conversation is wide-ranging. It includes a leader’s story about being buoyed by her team. She and Tom also swap answers to a favorite question of her team’s: “How’re ya coping?” They then explore managing stress through being present and intentional. Three questions to help you become present: What am I doing right now? What

Jun 4, 2020 • 18:36

Connecting Over Video

SHOWNOTES: This month’s coaching conversation is with a leader who wants to keep strong connections despite the quarantine. She and Tom explore the barriers that make connecting over video so difficult. Four essentials to attend to on video: Angle Lighting Background Sound From Tom to you: These difficult times can create a lot of fear. An antidote is to be curious. Curiosity is at the very heart of coaching. If I can help in anyway, let me know. Go to https://essentialcomm.com/contact/ and le

May 7, 2020 • 18:49

Branding Yourself

This month’s coaching conversation explores how to project your personal brand into the workplace. When done well it can seem like a Jedi mind trick – but it’s really just personal branding. Here are the five links Tom mentioned in the episode. Looking good in video conferencing https://medium.com/@bobsacha/a-cinematographers-guide-to-looking-good-in-web-based-video-conferencing-fb6cf651714c   4 Ways to Improve Video Meetings https://www-forbes-com.cdn.ampproject.org/c/s/www.forbes.com/sites/m

Apr 2, 2020 • 22:30

Pursuing A Promotion 2020

This month’s coaching conversation is with a high-performer who was passed over for a promotion. Together, she and Tom identify tools to make sure she doesn’t get passed over again. Core Concepts in this episode: > Aisha chose to NOT be self-promotional. In your organization, a more vocal approach may be effective. > Click out. Think from a higher altitude. Give yourself the promotion. > Networking is not evil. But have intention. Be a good detective. Related Archive Categories: Managing Yourse

Mar 5, 2020 • 12:58

Coaching Under Attack

This month’s coaching conversation isn’t so much a conversation as a fencing match. A newly installed president grills Tom about the coaching he’s been delivering at her company for years. There are two different strands you might follow from this episode. One is about coaching. You might listen to these episodes: Coaching Your People Coaching Versus Therapy Readiness in Coaching Another strand you might follow is about self-management. Episodes on that strand would be: Creating New Behaviors Ho

Feb 6, 2020 • 19:09

Thinking Errors

This month’s coaching conversation examines phrases we use that lead us into self-deception. Tom and his client explore why thinking errors so often remain invisible and, once revealed, what other words might be possible substitutions.SHOW NOTES: Tom mentions two books in this episode: “How To Raise Your Self-Esteem” by Nathaniel Branden  https://www.amazon.com/Raise-Your-Self-Esteem-Action-Oriented-Self-Confidence/dp/0553266462/ “The Four Agreement” by Don Miguel Ruiz  https://www.amazon.com/Fo

Jan 9, 2020 • 21:56

Don’t Take Anything Personally

This month’s coaching conversation wrestles with the eternal struggle to depersonalize the events in our lives that feel so personal. Is it even possible to actualize the adage, “Don’t take it personally?”Tom mentions two books that can help you manage yourself so you don’t take things personally:  The Four Agreements Six Pillars of Self-Esteem In the archive, this Tip is in five categories: Managing Yourself Perception – How You Perceive Yourself Perception – How You Perceive OthersPersonal Gro

Dec 5, 2019 • 18:59

Boundaries

This month’s coaching conversation explores how hard it can be to say ‘no’ sometimes. Together, Tom and his client come up with four strategies for setting better boundaries.This month’s coaching conversation explores how hard it can be to say ‘no’ sometimes. Together, Tom and his client come up with four strategies for setting better boundaries. Tom mentions three books that will help you speak up and set boundaries:  Crucial Conversations https://www.amazon.com/Crucial-Conversations-Talking

Nov 14, 2019 • 17:44

Agreeable Disagreement

This month’s coaching conversation follows an executive’s journey from a bulldozer, rolling over people and their ideas, to a thoughtful seeker of ways to get his ideas heard while also building positive relationships. Related episodes are: Assertion versus Aggression Be Impeccable With Your Word Disagree Agreeably – yes, that was an episode long ago! Don’t Take It Personally The Conflict Conversation Sorting & Labeling This Tip is in four categories in the archive: Communication Skills Executiv

Oct 10, 2019 • 17:56

Video Feedback & Executive Presence

This month’s coaching conversation centers on learning how to watch yourself on video. It might be uncomfortable at times, but the benefits are enormous. During the commentary, Tom talks about a checklist for you. It’s here. direct link: https://essentialcomm.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/09/Video-Review-Checklist.pdf Related episodes are Captivate Your Audience Executive Presenting “I Talk Too Fast!” Performing Like a TED Talker The Power of Rehearsal This Tip is in these categories in the ar

Sep 5, 2019 • 17:24

The Talky Executive

This month’s coaching conversation wrestles with the obstacles that arise when you try listening to people who think out loud – often at great length! Related episodes are: Sorting & Labeling A Breakdown of Listening Leadership & Listening Short Sounds Confident In the archive, this Tip is tagged in four categories Communication Skills Leadership Relationship Building Social Skills The archive of Executive Coaching Tips is available at: https://essentialcomm.com/podcast/ Subscribe to the HTML ve

Aug 8, 2019 • 16:50

The Focused Executive

This month’s coaching conversation focuses on a leader who finds herself in a storm of heavy seas. To help her find calm, Tom shares a technique from his past. You can grab the PDF that Tom mentions in this episode at: https://essentialcomm.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/07/MindfulnessResources.pdf In the archive, this episode is tagged in four categories: For Women Managing Yourself Personal Growth & Self-Development Self-Talk Related episodes are: Combating Emotional Hijacks Conquering Fear Elim

Jul 11, 2019 • 17:28

Fighting Authority

This month’s coaching conversation revolves around a former client’s direct report who is caught up in old wiring which is short-circuiting his effectiveness. This episode is tagged in six categories. Something of a record! For Women Management Skills Managing Yourself Perception – How Your Perceive Yourself Personal Growth & Self-DevelopmentSelf-Talk Here are eight, yes, eight related episodes. Combating Emotional Hijacks Conquering Fear Negative Self-Talk Self-Limiting Beliefs Self-Awareness

Jun 6, 2019 • 16:28

Ask The Coaches - Readers' Letters

This month’s coaching conversation is between Tom Henschel and Mindy Danna who answer questions from our audience. Tom and Mindy have grown up together professionally. He runs Essential Communications where Mindy is a coach. She also works with the cutting-edge global consulting firm Cultivating Leadership.During the episode, Mindy mentions two books:  "Being the Boss" by Linda Hill & Kent Lineback  "Thanks for the Feedback" by Douglas Stone & Sheila HeenFive related episodes are:  Discussing Di

May 2, 2019 • 26:25

Inviting Dialogue

This months’ coaching conversation is with a leader who genuinely wants open dialogue with his direct reports but finds he may have been unintentionally limiting his conversations. In the archive, this episode is tagged in four categories: Communication Skills Management Skills Relationship Building Social Skills   Six related episodes are: Building Rapport Communicating With Clarity Creating New Behaviors Facilitating Open Dialogue Leadership & Listening Questions as Leadership The archive is

Apr 11, 2019 • 16:50

Becoming Expert

This month’s coaching conversation focuses on a leader striving to become “more visible.” She and Tom imagine raising her presence by giving her a way to speak about herself as an expert without feeling like she’s bragging. A challenging needle to thread! If you want help on this topic, Tom mentioned a resource he strongly recommends “Brag! The Art of Tooting Your Own Horn Without Blowing It” by Peggy Klaus. In the archive, this episode is tagged in four categories: For Women Executive Presence

Mar 7, 2019 • 18:18

Managing Former Peers

Internal promotions can be mixed blessings. Managing former peers has the potential to upset everyone. This month’s coaching conversation explores ways to handle this live grenade with aplomb. Two books mentioned during the commentary: Difficult Conversions by Stone, Patton & Heen and Crucial Conversation by Patterson, et al. Lots of related episodes mentioned: Relating to the issue of clarity: Communicating with Clarity Creating Clarity Driving Your Message Home Sorting & Labeling Relating

Feb 7, 2019 • 17:49

Executive Presence - Three Pillars

This month’s coaching conversation explores the three pillars of executive presence. In this episode's commentary, Tom mentions research about Executive Presence conducted by the Center for Talent Innovation. The key findings are available at: https://www.talentinnovation.org/publication.cfm?publication=1340 Three episodes grew directly from ideas in that white paper: Gravitas Emotional Intelligence Showing Teeth The Executive Coaching Tips archive has a filter for "Executive Presence." It's a

Jan 10, 2019 • 17:54

Ask The Coaches - Readers’ Letters

This month’s coaching conversation is between Tom Henschel and Mindy Danna who answer questions from our audience. Tom and Mindy have grown up together professionally. He runs Essential Communications where Mindy is a coach. She also works with the cutting-edge global consulting firm Cultivating Leadership.Tips related to the questions and answers in this episode are: A Breakdown of ListeningThe Executive ImpostorLeadership and ListeningManaging TraumaSelf-Limiting Beliefs Mindy mentions:  “Bein

Dec 13, 2018 • 27:05

The Executive Impostor

This month’s coaching conversation explores that insidious feeling of being an impostor. Research tells us that the vast majority us experience this to some degree at one time or another. Here are ways to combat impostor syndrome. The two psychology professors mentioned in the episode were Pauline Rose Clance and Suzanne Imes at Georgia State University. The TED Talk is: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=whyUPLJZljE Related Categories in the podcast archive: For Women Managing Yourself Perception

Nov 8, 2018 • 18:04

Leading Offsites

A senior leader wants to give one of his direct reports the experience of leading her own offsite. This month’s coaching conversation is about how a leader can foster an offsite with the power to create change. AN INVITATION: Send us questions for our upcoming Q&A episodes! Send your questions to info@essentialcomm.com In the episode, there are many resources to help you learn to lead activities with your team. The six mentioned in the show are: "The Fieldbook of Team Interventions" by Harry Egg

Oct 4, 2018 • 18:46

Animating Your Persona

A coaching client needs to exude more presence. Tom proposes a visualization process and walks another coach through it. In the archive, this episode is tagged in three categories: Developing New Behaviors, Perception - How You Perceive Yourself Personal Growth & Self-Development Five related episodes are: Acting on the Corporate Stage Creating New Behaviors Inhabiting Executive Presence Self-Awareness & Self-Management The Many Parts of You Plus, if you want to hear about why our brains find

Sep 6, 2018 • 19:20

Managing Bad Behavior

This month’s coaching conversation focuses on a feedback technique that can help manage bad behavior. The coachee likes the technique so much, he wants to try it on his high performers, too! Related episodes: Discussing Difficult Behaviors Holding People Accountable Managing Disruptive Executives Managing Performance: Up or Out Sorting & Labeling Every episode is available in the archive at: https://essentialcomm.com/podcast/ Subscribe to the HTML version at: https://essentialcomm.com/subscri

Aug 9, 2018 • 17:48

Managing Trauma

This month’s coaching conversation focuses on developing someone who may be a trauma survivor. A team leader’s compassionate caution may not be in the survivor’s best interest. Related episodes: Dealing with Emotional Responses Intimacy in Business: Setting Boundaries Managing Beyond Bad Behavior Showing Teeth Speaking Your Truth Every episode is available in the archive at: https://essentialcomm.com/podcast/ Subscribe to the HTML version at: https://essentialcomm.com/subscribe/ Be in touch wi

Jul 12, 2018 • 23:34

Taming the Wild Child

This month’s coaching conversation features a high-performing client who sometimes wrestles with her fear. Knowing that her fear can diminish her, she seeks a way out. Tom also talks about the new course "Improv for Leaders” taught by improv master Jeremy Rowley. Related epsidoes this month: The Many Parts of You Combating Emotional Hijacks Conquering Fear Negative Self-Talk Self-Limiting Beliefs Unmasking a Stand-In Managing Nervousness Every episode is available in the archive at: https://esse

Jun 7, 2018 • 17:23

Readiness in Coaching

Why do some coaching engagements achieve positive transformations while others get stuck in the starting gate? This month’s coaching conversation explores who’s coachable, who isn’t, and why. The PDF discussed during this episode can be downloaded at: https://essentialcomm.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/04/ReadinessInCoaching.pdf The “Who’s Coachable?” episode containing the eight-item list from 2008 is available at: https://essentialcomm.com/podcast/whos-coachable/ Aside from the “Who’s Coachab

May 3, 2018 • 24:14

360s: Weapons or Tools?

360-degree feedback can be intense. Or confusing. Like many reports, it often needs explaining, even if the information is familiar. This month’s coaching conversation explores the many sides of 360s. Curious to learn more about 360s? Listen to Tom's interview on "Coaching for Leaders." https://coachingforleaders.com/podcast/341/ Want to learn more about quantative 360-degree feedback reports? Contact Envisia Learning. envisialearning.com Want to learn about qualitative 360-degree feedback repor

Apr 5, 2018 • 21:09

Influence

Who wouldn’t benefit from heftier influence? This month’s coaching conversation digs into two ways to build your influence bank account. During this month's episode, Tom talks about a behavioral self-assessment called DiSC. See a sample DiSC report here: https://essentialcomm.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/06/AlexBradley.pdf If you're looking for more Executive Coaching Tips about influence, check the archive filter: "Perception -- How You're Perceived." There's a lot there about influence. htt

Mar 8, 2018 • 20:39

The Sound of Leadership and of Management

Some ways of speaking lend themselves to more effective management. And some ways of speaking lend themselves to more effective leadership. This episodes explores those differences.

Feb 1, 2018 • 19:55

Leadership versus Management

Are leadership and management really different? And does it matter? This month’s coaching conversation explores what separates leadership from management. And what connects them. And why it matters for you and the people you lead.Are leadership and management really different? And does it matter? This month’s coaching conversation explores what separates leadership from management. And what connects them. And why it matters for you and the people you lead. If you're interested in related episode

Jan 11, 2018 • 19:33

The Conflict Conversation

What do you say when you’re in an argument? And how can you prepare to have an argument? This month’s coaching conversation dives deeper into the topic of “Conflict” that began last month. In this installment, scripts and concepts for mastering The Conflict Conversation. To sharpen your skills, read "Difficult Conversations" by Stone, Patton & Heen from the Harvard Negotiation Project. It's very friendly and very powerful. Every episode is available at: http://essentialcomm.com/podcast/ Be in to

Dec 7, 2017 • 18:19

Conflict

Conflict is inevitable. But most of us were never taught the skills that would help us find our way through the dark corridors of this house called ‘Conflict.’ This month’s coaching conversation illuminates predictable patterns and practical tools to navigate successfully through Conflict House. The book Tom references in this episode: "Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss What Matters Most" by Stone, Patton & Heen. Related episodes this month are: A Difficult Conversation Disagree Agreeably

Nov 2, 2017 • 17:17

Dynamic One-on-ones

There are a million ways to conduct one-on-one meetings with direct reports. How you run yours will reflect your personal style. This month’s coaching conversation focuses on specific best practices that will enhance your one-on-ones no matter what your style. In the commentary portion of this month's episode is a question for you. Share your thoughts in an email to: info@essentialcomm.com You can sharpen your management skills with the Executive Coaching Tips in the "Management Skills" category

Oct 5, 2017 • 21:07

Acting on the Corporate Stage

This month's episode introduces "Acting on the Corporate Stage." That phrase was Tom's original branding phrase, before "The Look & Sound of Leadership" became his branding phrase. "Acting on the Corporate Stage" aims at helping you be perceived in the workplace the way you want to be perceived, which, of course, is the reason d'etre of every episode. Also this month, Tom shares reflections on attending his first-ever podcaster's convention. And his reflections are all about YOU! He also point

Sep 7, 2017 • 23:25

Performing Like a TED Talker

Delivering a top-notch presentation requires you to master your ideas. Of course! But even more, you need to master yourself. Your audience won’t be able to lock onto you unless you are “in focus.” This month’s coaching conversation shows you how to get “in focus.” Related episodes are: Prepping Like a TED Talker http://essentialcomm.com/podcast/prepping-like-ted-talker/ Talking Like a TED Talker http://essentialcomm.com/podcast/talking-like-ted-talker/ All Presentation Skills Tips are available

Aug 3, 2017 • 16:35

Prepping Like A TED Talker

Preparing a presentation raises many questions. How much are you going to rehearse? What will you actually do during your rehearsal? Are you going to memorize your talk? This month’s coaching conversation covers all that and more. Four core concepts this month: Rehearsal is obligatory. Manage your self-talk. Find your throughline. Rehearsal means “out loud.” In the archive is a whole set of Tips about “self talk.” It’s at: http://essentialcomm.com/tag/self-talk/ There’s another set about “pres

Jul 13, 2017 • 17:21

Short Sounds Confident

Holding each other’s attention is a constant challenge. But you can’t achieve The Look & Sound of Leadership if you can’t keep people listening to you. This month’s coaching conversation emphasizes three little slogans to make sure you aren’t driving your listeners away from you. All three slogans are just three words long: “Short sounds confident.” And “Communication takes effort.” And “Stop talking sooner.” There are so many reasons why embodying those slogans is hard. And, in truth, it’s easi

Jun 1, 2017 • 17:07

Readers’ Letters — Bonus Episode 2

Tom exchanges emails with two listeners. One exchange addresses issues of personal boundaries in the workplace; the other addresses scarcity and abundance.This Bonus Episode is only the second one in the 9-year history of "The Look & Sound of Leadership." If you like this and want more, tell us. Contact us through the homepage at: essentialcomm.comOr by email at: info@essentialcomm.comThe prior bonus episode -- with two other email exchanges -- is titled "Readers' Letters." It was posted in May,

May 23, 2017 • 15:44

Talking Like a TED Talker

TED Talkers turn us into engrossed detectives, absorbed in solving the mysteries unfolding before us. But TED Talking doesn’t have to be saved for special events. This month’s coaching conversation explores ways to turn everyday presentations into compelling content that will hold people's interest ... like a TED Talk. If you're crafting an actual TED Talk, use Chris Anderson's terrific book: "TED Talks." I have a nifty 3-page reduction of Anderson's book. Reach out to me at info@essentialcomm.c

May 4, 2017 • 18:32

The Voice of Authority

Authority. It’s a slip-sliding sort of thing, isn’t it? Do we get it automatically along with a title? Sometimes. But sometimes not. This month’s coaching conversation examines both the thoughts and the words that give us authority. The ideas in this month's episode echo motifs embedded in many other episodes. Just a few related Executive Coaching Tips are: Assertion vs Aggression Choosing Persistence Don’t Take it Personally Getting Unstuck The Look & Sound of Self-Esteem Speaking For Yourself

Apr 6, 2017 • 17:54

The Human Element

At work, we often diminish the importance of feelings – our own or those of others. We think, “I don’t have time for that” or “That’s silly.” But feelings don’t disappear just because they’re inconvenient. And, when unacknowledged, their impact can be severe. This month, two coaches discuss the difficulties of managing “the human element.” Related episodes: Building Empathy Building Emotional Intelligence Coaching Your People Compassion During Change Dealing with Emotional Responses

Mar 2, 2017 • 17:17

Self-Limiting Beliefs

Self-limiting beliefs hold us back. We limit who we are so we don't shatter those beliefs. This month's coaching conversation serves up several strategies to help you push back against those demons. Along the way, we mention "Leadership and Self-Deception," a great book to help you on your journey. We also touch on the topic of "Coaching versus Therapy," something I've been talking about for years. You can find an epsiode about it in the archive. I also mention an interview I did with Eric Cacci

Feb 2, 2017 • 15:51

Inhabiting Executive Presence

Getting to the next level of executive presence usually demands the adoption of new behaviors. This month's episode explores a three-step process that helps new behaviors become habits. Helping you change behavior so you can be perceived the way you want to be perceived is the raison d'être of this podcast. If it's time for you develop more effective behaviors, there is an entire category in “The Look & Sound of Leadership" archive that will accelerate your development. The archive is at: essent

Jan 12, 2017 • 17:08

Combating Emotional Hijacks

When we feel threatened or in danger, an old part of our brains, the one that regulates emotions, hijacks our executive functioning. We say and do things we regret. In the workplace, this can have serious consequences. This month’s Executive Coaching Tip has seven strategies for stopping yourself from getting hijacked. The seven lessons in my conversation with my client, Kimberly, are: Emotional hijacks are real. They happen when your emotions take control over your reason; Emotional hijacks ha

Dec 8, 2016 • 16:16

Under Executive Questioning

This episode addresses three issues that arise when you’re facing an executive team. First, what meaning are you making about the event itself? Is that meaning helping you or not helping you? If it’s not helping you, change it. Second, how will you address the moment when you need to say, “I don’t know”? Prepare for it. It’s going to happen. This episode has lots of ideas to try. The final issue is confidence and finding your executive presence; the core of every episode of The Look & Sound of L

Nov 3, 2016 • 14:50

Creating Safety for Hard Talks

You can’t be an effective leader if you are not able to have hard conversations that are successful. “Successful” means addressing tough topics in a way that will create change.    One crucial skill to make hard conversations successful is attending to how things are being said. Without an awareness of the ‘how,’ things won’t be as safe as they could be. And if things aren’t safe, they won’t go deep. And if they don’t go deep, they probably won’t stick.   Five other episodes that relate to these

Oct 6, 2016 • 16:59

How Teams Fight

Conflict on teams is a good thing. Really! Well, it's good if it’s healthy. This month, two techniques to help team members engage in healthy conflict: arguing about what's best for the business and turning hostile non-verbals into dialogue. Related episodes to help with these skills are: Disagree Agreeably Facilitating Open Dialogue Getting Agreement Holding People Accountable Leadership and Listening Resolving Conflict

Sep 8, 2016 • 15:11

Taming Meetings

Meetings are often viewed as a necessary evil to be endured. But they can be engaging events that build people’s skills and accelerate the work. This month, a recipe for mixing up meeting magic. There is a four-meeting model discussed in this episode. If you want a graphic illustration of the model, just look at the online version in the archive: http://essentialcomm.com/podcast/ or email me at info@essentialcomm.com Two books are also discussed in this month's episode: Patrick Lencioni's "The F

Aug 4, 2016 • 14:51

Conquering Fear

Fear is natural but insidious. It can carve caverns in the foundations of our confidence, weakening our capacity. This month, a client learns about three kinds of fear and a transformational question that tames fear. A seminal book to help master fear is "Feel The Fear and Do It Anyway" by Susan Jeffers. At the end of this month's episode, Tom tells a story about the amazing reach of podcasts.

Jul 7, 2016 • 16:15

Building Empathy

Empathy is a crucial component of The Look & Sound of Leadership. Some people have it naturally, others don’t. In either case, it can be developed and learned. This month's episode has lots of ideas about what empathy is, what it isn't, and how you can develop it.   There are lots of resources discussed this month.   A book called "The EQ Edge" by Stein and Book.   A great 3-minute animation by Brene Brown about sympathy versus empathy. It's on the home page of her website: brenebrown.com. Look

Jun 9, 2016 • 16:49

Readers’ Letters — Bonus Episode

A bonus episode!Tom shares email exchanges he had with two podcast listeners. One exchange is about handling people who interrupt presentations. The other is about defining tasks and responsibilities when they're not defined for you.During the podcast, Tom mentions two other episodes that support the ideas here: one episode is “Facilitating Open Dialogue.” The other is “Creating Devoted Followers.”If you’d like more bonus episodes like this one, let Tom know at info@essentialcomm.com.

May 17, 2016 • 15:16

Personal Histories as Your Brand

How you brand yourself sticks with people a long time.Thismonth, a senior executive dreads having to brand himself duringaninterview – until he learns about the PersonalHistoriestechnique.In addition to giving you this simple yet powerful tool tohelpbuild your personal brand, this episode also references abookcalled "The Five Dysfunctions of a Team."Details about this book is at the end of the podcast. ThereIdiscuss that there are actually TWO books about theFiveDysfunctions. They're quite diffe

May 5, 2016 • 15:25

Power Tools for Teams — Plus/Delta

This month, The Look & Sound of Leadership gives you a tool for developing your team. A process that takes only minutes to learn, if practiced regularly, this exercise has far-reaching ripples. Welcome to "The Plus/Delta Tool."Other episodes to help you develop as a leader of teams are:Your Team's Best Interests - Part OneYour Team's Best Interests - Part TwoCoaching Your PeopleEngagement and PerformancePerformance ReviewsResolving Conflict

Apr 7, 2016 • 16:44

The Mindful Executive

From the Harvard Business Review to the New York Times, mindfulness is widely touted as a powerful tool to increase personal effectiveness and well-being. This month’s Executive Coaching Tip explores the “how to” of being mindful with an executive who was already on the path but didn’t know it.This episode shows that mindfulness is neither complex nor mysterious; it just takes practice. More importantly, this episode puts forward the idea that all professional and personal development requires y

Mar 3, 2016 • 17:27

Coaching Under Attack

Coaching is expensive. Coaching is hard to measure. Coaching is too touchy-feely. There are a million arguments against coaching. This month, a tough CEO puts Tom on the defensive about coaching. If you'd like to explore this topic further, here are nine related Tips:A Breakdown of ListeningCoaching Your PeopleCoaching Versus TherapyCreating New BehaviorsHigh-Stakes MeetingsHow Behaviors ChangeLeadership & ListeningSelf-Knowledge as LeadershipWho’s Coachable Or you can search the free archive of

Feb 4, 2016 • 16:06

High-Stakes Meetings

The goal of this episode is to give you a three-step process to help you succeed in meetings when you feel there’s a lot at stake.Step one: Clarify the Story. Four other episodes can also help with this step: “Sounding Executive,” “Communicating With Clarity,” “Executive Presenting” and, the mother of all communication tools: “Sorting and Labeling.”Step two: Do Your Homework. This step is different for everyone. Sometimes it means getting information from another department. Sometimes it means r

Jan 7, 2016 • 16:07

Showing Teeth

For many businesses, uncertainty and ambiguity is their new norm. In such anxious times, people long for leaders who will make tough decisions, stand behind those decisions, and protect their people. In some circles, this is called “showing teeth.”In this episode, I refer to The Center for Talent Innovation and their white paper on Executive Presence.I also refer to four related episodes:Assertion versus Aggression GravitasSpeaking for YourselfSpeaking Your TruthFor more ideas about “Showing Tee

Dec 3, 2015 • 15:05

Engagement & Performance

Lack of engagement can assume many disguises but there is one outcome that is predictable: poor performance. What would you say if you found out you could get people engaged – and improve performance – with just two questions? Sounds like a miracle, right? That’s what I thought, too.

Nov 4, 2015 • 14:44

Managing Disruptive Executives

Disruptive executives take many forms—bullies, catastrophizers, resisters, you name it. But no matter what mask they wear, they create upheaval. Whether the disrupter is your boss, your peer or your direct report, coping successfully requires two things: courage and skills. Here’s how to find both.

Sep 30, 2015 • 17:37

Executive Presenting

Presentations are a golden opportunity to display your executive presence. Here are six behaviors that’ll help you command the room and deepen your brand.

Sep 2, 2015 • 16:37

A Breakdown of Listening

We all think we’re better listeners than we really are. Luckily, we all have the capacity to improve our skills. But not all listening is the same. Here’s a breakdown.

Aug 5, 2015 • 17:18

In Sync Communications

When you’re communicating, you not only need to fly through the intricate patterns of your own information, you need to be sure we can thread that needle along with you.

Jul 8, 2015 • 14:43

Executive Gender Bias

The research is unequivocal: in the workplace, women play on a tilted field. Everyone contributes to work's off-center world -- even women! This episode explores ways to bring the tipping back in balance.

Jun 10, 2015 • 15:54

The Narcissistic Executive

Narcissistic executives can be infuriating. And, unless you’re one of their favored few, they can be dangerous, too. These five actions will help protect you—and keep you sane.

May 6, 2015 • 17:56

Coaching Your People

Helping develop your people is a win for everyone. But developing people is quite different from managing people: developing people requires you to be a coach. Here’s how.

Apr 1, 2015 • 17:51

Status

We all assign ourselves a certain status. Of course, that means we assign status to others, too. The question is: do people experience your status as appropriate? Or do you need to dial it up? Or down!

Mar 4, 2015 • 12:40

Defining Success

“I’ll know it when I see it” is a natural thought when starting a new project.  Feeling “It’s just not right” is natural when a situation is nagging. But your followers need you to tell them specifically what success looks like. If you don’t tell them, how will they know?

Feb 5, 2015 • 11:46

Mentoring & Mentors

Finding good mentors – and using them wisely – can change your career trajectory. So can being a mentor to others. Here are actions for succeeding in both roles.

Jan 6, 2015 • 12:06

The Honorable Executive

Executives create honor in the workplace not by declarations and speeches. Rather, honor is built in the display of small, consistent behaviors every day. This month’s Tip examines two of those behaviors and one over-arching factor.

Dec 3, 2014 • 15:38

Managing Performance: Up or Out

Poor performers often linger far too long. Leaders who avoid these performance issues damage their reputations and weaken their teams. Here are five actions to help you manage poor performers up or out.

Nov 6, 2014 • 16:49

Thinking Errors

Thinking errors are tough to spot in yourself because they seem true.  Usually we've believed them for a long time. Here are ways to free yourself from thinking errors

Oct 2, 2014 • 14:58

Pursuing A Promotion

We'd all like to be given a promotion merely because it's our turn. But earning a promotion is actually a job in itself. Mastering the four factors described here will accelerate the process.

Sep 4, 2014 • 14:26

Managing Up

We all want bosses who are sensitive to our needs. But savvy players know we need to manage our bosses at least as much as they manage us.

Aug 6, 2014 • 10:48

Personal Branding

Each one of us has a personal brand. Every day we reinforce our brands consciously or unconsciously. The tools in this episode will help you craft your brand with intention.

Jul 9, 2014 • 14:49

Leading Through Delegation

Your ability to execute senior-level work correlates directly to your ability to delegate effectively. The better you are delegation, the higher you can rise.

Jun 5, 2014 • 13:10

Achieving Authenticity

Leaders who are authentic display The Look & Sound of Leadership™. We follow them eagerly. But how to achieve authenticity? Here are five tools.

Apr 30, 2014 • 14:43

Your Goodwill Bank Account

Certain people seem to have unlimited leeway when they make a mistake or miss a deadline while others seem to acquire black marks and penalties for the most minor infractions. This month’s episode explains why.

Apr 3, 2014 • 13:50

Captivate Your Audience

If you don’t grab your audience at the start, it’s tough to win ‘em over later. The two behaviors described here will help you engage your listeners before you’ve said a word.

Mar 4, 2014 • 13:16

Creating Devoted Followers

We all sense the subtle messages we send each other. When those messages have even a whiff of disapproval, your followers may begin to cool.

Feb 5, 2014 • 13:34

Perception Is Reality

Accepting how others see you can be a struggle. Until you can, you may not seem ready for the next step in your career.

Jan 8, 2014 • 12:08

Taming Email

An ongoing series of Executive Coaching Tips designed to help you be perceived in the workplace the way you want to be perceived.

Dec 5, 2013 • 15:10

Speaking Your Truth

We all have moments when we don’t speak up because we worry what other people might think. Here’s a way to help you find—and keep!—your voice. 11/07/13

Nov 7, 2013 • 13:33

The Generous Executive

Choosing to collaborate often feels like inviting an invader to sit down and eat your food. It can be done, but it doesn’t feel natural. And why would you? Where’s the benefit?

Oct 3, 2013 • 10:40

Gravitas

Gravitas is credibility that goes beyond titles or credentials. Without it, you can’t achieve The Look & Sound of Leadership™. This Tip will help you get it and keep it.

Sep 5, 2013 • 10:34

Soliciting Feedback

Without good feedback about yourself, you can’t achieve The Look & Sound of Leadership. But how can you get good feedback about yourself?

Aug 1, 2013 • 11:25

The High-Maintenance Executive

Being “high maintenance” can derail a career. Here are four mistakes people make that get them labeled “high maintenance.” And four actions to help you avoid the high maintenance label.

Jul 11, 2013 • 13:28

Capitalizing on Differences in Style

Our own work style seems completely natural—to us! But what about all those people whose styles are different? What do you do with them?

Jun 6, 2013 • 11:54

Creating New Behaviors

We create impressions, in part, through our behaviors. And changing behaviors can feel overwhelming. This four-stage process makes behavioral change manageable.

May 2, 2013 • 12:30

Building Emotional Intelligence

Companies invest in developing Emotional Intelligence (EQ) because its presence improves performance. EQ has four steps. Here is number one. 04/04/13

Apr 4, 2013 • 13:54

Shouldering the Burden of Leadership

Every leader casts a long shadow. Casual comments can have huge ripples. Such is the burden of leadership. How well are you shouldering the burden?

Mar 7, 2013 • 11:20

The Flexible Leader

Everyone you manage is at a different stage of their professional and personal development. Are you managing them all the same way?

Feb 7, 2013 • 10:51

Communicating with Clarity

Expert communicators put up signposts so their listeners can follow them easily. Using these “frameworks” can distinguish you as a clear and expert communicator.

Jan 10, 2013 • 11:12

Upward Feedback

Giving upward feedback can be a dicey proposition. The three-step formula in this Executive Coaching Tip will make that potentially dangerous enterprise a whole lot safer.

Dec 6, 2012 • 15:07

Turn Values into Behavior

Companies proudly post their values in their lobbies and on their websites. But values are mere slogans until leaders help people transform those ideas into concrete actions. But that shift can be difficult. Even explosive.

Nov 1, 2012 • 10:29

Self-Awareness & Self-Management

Leaders who are technically gifted leaders are often less gifted when managing their relationships. To avoid derailing—and to have healthy relationships—leaders need the two skills addressed in this month’s podcast.

Oct 4, 2012 • 13:59

Getting Unstuck

It’s usually painfully obvious to us when we’re stuck. What’s frustrating is that we can’t get ourselves unstuck. Here are three practical ways for getting unstuck that are particularly helpful in the workplace.

Sep 6, 2012 • 11:38

The Well-Balanced Executive

This 100th edition of The Look & Sound of Leadership™ discusses the best predictor of an executive’s long-term effectiveness.

Aug 2, 2012 • 11:33

The Disruptive Executive - Part Two

Trying to manage a disrupter is tough work. Managing yourself while managing a disrupter is no easier! These four tools will help you contain yourself during emotional encounters.

Jul 12, 2012 • 12:16

The Disruptive Executive - Part One

Trying to manage disrupters is like getting pummeled by a heavyweight. Here are five tools to help get traction with the disrupters in your life.

Jun 7, 2012 • 13:08

The Exhausted Executive

Many high performers are running on empty. Here are tools to replenish your reserves.

May 10, 2012 • 14:07

The Distracted Executive

Trying to get your message through to a distracted person isn't easy. It takes mental energy, preparation and willingness to repeat yourself. But what happens if YOU are the distracted person?

Apr 5, 2012 • 10:06

The Many Parts of You

Recognizing and managing the many, often contradictory, parts of you is crucial to becoming an authentic leader.

Mar 8, 2012 • 11:36

Your Team's Best Interests - Part Two

Engaged and productive employees believe their boss has their best interest at heart.

Feb 2, 2012 • 13:39

Your Team's Best Interests - Part One

Engaged and productive employees believe their boss has their best interest at heart.

Jan 12, 2012 • 13:14

Performance Reviews

Six lessons for delivering meaningful performance reviews.

Dec 1, 2011 • 13:05

Leading Teams

Five questions your team needs to answer if they're all going to move in the same direction. Plus a four-layer pyramid that needs defining.

Nov 3, 2011 • 12:59

Facilitating Open Dialogue

Tips and techniques for the extremely difficult task of getting people to speak openly in public forums—or in private!

Oct 6, 2011 • 12:08

Smiling—The Look of Leadership

Your smile can be a credibility builder or a credibility killer. How is your smile working for you?

Sep 1, 2011 • 10:32

Leading Change

Navigating the minefield of change is fraught with danger. Here's your road map through change's treacherous terrain.

Aug 11, 2011 • 11:31

Resolving Conflict

Three actions, plus three behaviors, to help warring factions to lay down their arms and get back to work.

Jul 7, 2011 • 11:36

The Power of PowerPoint

PowerPoint can be a blessing but all-too-often is a curse. Here are 8 tips to harness the positive power of PowerPoint.

Jun 2, 2011 • 12:54

Compelling Openings

...

May 19, 2011 • 11:15

Intimacy in Business: Setting Boundaries

The ability to create a sense of intimacy in the workplace leads to deep and long-lasting trust. And it’s not about being personal.

May 5, 2011 • 9:42

Recommendations & Resources

...

Apr 21, 2011 • 11:25

Stop Giving Away Your Secrets

Transparency is great in business—except when you tip your hand and reveal thoughts and feelings that are better kept to yourself.

Apr 7, 2011 • 9:02

Women as Powerful Communicators

...

Mar 17, 2011 • 7:15

Making Stories Soar

Stories stick with people long after data becomes a blur.

Mar 3, 2011 • 9:13

Questions as Leadership

...

Feb 17, 2011 • 8:17

Leadership and Listening

Two listening behaviors that will get different results and foster collaboration.

Feb 3, 2011 • 9:17

Self-Knowledge as Leadership

...

Jan 20, 2011 • 7:07

Building Rapport

Rapport is easy when people’s styles match. But when there’s a mismatch, what then?

Jan 6, 2011 • 8:28

Smoothing Harsh Edges

...

Dec 16, 2010 • 9:45

Three Little Phrases with Big Impact

Phrases to keep people listening to your data and to get people to comply with your decisions.

Dec 2, 2010 • 9:05

Getting Growth Acknowledged

...

Nov 18, 2010 • 6:38

Compassion During Change

When a star performer suddenly declines there’s always a reason. The question is where should you look for the reason?

Nov 4, 2010 • 8:40

The Look & Sound of Self-Esteem

...

Oct 21, 2010 • 8:31

Strategic Apologies

Apologies can enhance or damage a relationship. Too few can be as damaging as too many. Here are four apologies—two to emulate, two to avoid.

Oct 7, 2010 • 8:30

Handling Defensive Behaviors

...

Sep 23, 2010 • 10:05

Unmasking a Stand-In

Interacting with phantoms from the past is dangerous both personally and professionally.

Sep 9, 2010 • 8:49

Leadership Behavior in Meetings

...

Aug 19, 2010 • 9:01

The Power of Rehearsal

Rehearsal doesn’t mean reciting by rote.

Aug 5, 2010 • 7:55

Repairing Damaged Relationships

...

Jul 22, 2010 • 5:40

Three Words You Should Never Say

Want to boost your credibility? Stop saying these words.

Jul 8, 2010 • 8:41

Negative Self-Talk

...

Jun 24, 2010 • 6:21

Don't Take It Personally

Think that insult was about you? Think again!

Jun 10, 2010 • 9:29

Eliminating Distractions

...

May 20, 2010 • 6:44

Dealing With Emotional Responses

Six tips for handling yourself when faced with others’ emotions.

May 6, 2010 • 8:34

Delivering Tough Feedback

...

Apr 15, 2010 • 6:12

Disagree Agreeably

How to disagree without being disagreeable.

Apr 8, 2010 • 8:11

Sounding Executive

...

Mar 25, 2010 • 6:03

Getting Agreement

Giving instructions without getting agreement is a recipe for disappointment.

Mar 11, 2010 • 8:09

Accessing Your Best Thinking

...

Feb 25, 2010 • 6:05

Act "As If"

This fundamental actor’s tool helps you be perceived the way you want to be perceived.

Feb 11, 2010 • 9:31

Speaking For Yourself

...

Jan 28, 2010 • 7:14

Assertion Versus Aggression

One builds relationships, the other damages them. Are you clear which is which, and why?

Jan 14, 2010 • 8:34

Stories -- The Ultimate Persuaders

...

Dec 17, 2009 • 9:15

Leadership and Self-Deception

Our self-limiting behaviors are invisible to us but apparent to others.

Dec 3, 2009 • 9:38

Managing Your Strengths

...

Nov 19, 2009 • 5:49

Answering Essay Questions

Avoid a long-winded ramble with this three-step model

Nov 5, 2009 • 10:58

Creating Clarity

...

Oct 22, 2009 • 10:44

"I Hate Politics!"

Hating politics puts you out of the game that’s being played around you.

Oct 8, 2009 • 10:50

Getting Good Feedback

...

Sep 24, 2009 • 6:32

Networking

A crucial skill even if you’re in your job for life—which you’re not!

Sep 10, 2009 • 8:05

Your Workplace as Calling Card

...

Aug 20, 2009 • 4:37

Sorting and Labeling

The communication tool that will set you above the rest.

Aug 6, 2009 • 13:22

Holding People Accountable

...

Jul 23, 2009 • 5:42

I Talk Too Fast!

What happens in our brains when we hear someone talk “too fast.”

Jul 9, 2009 • 10:53

How Behaviors Change

...

Jun 25, 2009 • 6:21

Positive Opposites

Dichotomies are great learning tools—when they’re framed positively.

Jun 11, 2009 • 8:11

Listen Without An Agenda

...

May 28, 2009 • 6:56

Choosing Persistence

Two stories to fuel persistence in the face of frustrations.

May 14, 2009 • 6:19

Playback as Feedback

...

Apr 30, 2009 • 4:52

A Difficult Conversation

Discussing touchy, even explosive, subjects.

Apr 16, 2009 • 8:34

Sounding Well-Spoken

...

Apr 2, 2009 • 5:29

Be Impeccable With Your Word

Hold yourself accountable for what comes out of your mouth.

Mar 19, 2009 • 6:38

Speed of Thought

...

Mar 5, 2009 • 5:46

Focus in the Face of Distractions

Results are important and so is how they’re achieved.

Feb 19, 2009 • 5:49

Giving Powerful Feedback

...

Feb 5, 2009 • 5:42

Elevator Speeches

Create crisp executive summaries of everyday topics.

Jan 22, 2009 • 7:08

Messaging During Hard Times

A time-tested formula for communicating in difficult times.

Dec 11, 2008 • 6:26

Becoming More Expressive

...

Dec 4, 2008 • 6:14

What Compelling Speakers Share

Two qualities that will keep your listeners listening.

Nov 20, 2008 • 10:23

Being Concise

...

Nov 13, 2008 • 5:12

Handling Feedback Effectively

...

Nov 6, 2008 • 7:18

Managing Beyond Bad Behavior

“Repeated Headlines” can rein in ongoing bad behavior.

Oct 30, 2008 • 6:47

Assume Equality

...

Oct 23, 2008 • 5:46

Act with Intention

...

Oct 16, 2008 • 5:35

Project The Image You Want

Manage how you’re perceived in the workplace.

Oct 9, 2008 • 6:08

The Art of Chat

...

Oct 2, 2008 • 6:50

Choosing Stories Over "Truth"

...

Sep 25, 2008 • 5:30

Answer What's Asked

How to sound executive when answering questions.

Sep 18, 2008 • 7:31

Driving Your Message Home

...

Sep 11, 2008 • 5:46

Owning Miscommunications

...

Sep 4, 2008 • 5:30

Coaching Versus Therapy

Determining what coaching is and what it isn’t.

Aug 28, 2008 • 7:23

Keeping Repeated Material Fresh

...

Aug 21, 2008 • 5:44

Managing Your Boss

...

Aug 14, 2008 • 5:15

When Learning Makes Things Worse

Integrating new behaviors may actually send you backwards.

Aug 7, 2008 • 6:05

Building Trust

...

Jul 31, 2008 • 6:09

Staying on Track

...

Jul 24, 2008 • 4:47

Who's Coachable?

Can your direct reports be coached to achieve their potential? Can you?

Jul 17, 2008 • 6:22

Remembering Names

...

Jul 10, 2008 • 4:14

Managing Nervousness

...

Jul 3, 2008 • 4:11

Creating Charisma

Turn up your heat from a gentle simmer to a rolling boil.

Jun 26, 2008 • 6:44

Lead With Your Heart

...

Jun 19, 2008 • 4:55

Choose the Impression You Make

...

Jun 12, 2008 • 3:28

Ask for What You Want

Give yourself permission to ask without apology or fear.

Jun 6, 2008 • 7:11

Discussing Difficult Behaviors

...

May 15, 2008 • 6:59

Leading With Your Heart

...

Jan 26, 2006 • 4:55